Pilot Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Ways You Can Tell Your Pilot is on Drugs"10. All the in-flight meals are missing their dessert squares9. In between "May I" and "have your attention" there's a 45 minute pause. 8. He's constantly yelling, "Take that, Red Baron!"7. Shuttle from New York to Boston includes stopover in Colombia6. His co-pilot: Robert Downey Jr. 5. For the last hour, he's been riding the beverage cart like a rodeo cowboy. 4. Keeps coming on the P. A. to point out clouds that look like his old high school teachers. 3. His wings are pinned to his bare chest2. When you fly over international date line, he yells, "Dude! We're, like, time traveling!"1. When he exhales, the oxygen masks drop
The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?
The duck can fly.
Santa gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. He has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.
As soon as he boarded the plane, a Boeing737, he started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING! BOEING!!! BO... "
He sort of forgets where he is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at Santa and the angry Pilot.
Santa stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
A checkride ought to be like a skirt--short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft''''s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter''''s position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter''''s window. The pilot''''s sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded "I knew more...
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained... "It took us awhile to find a new pilot."