Pints Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. ” The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good? ” asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone? ” The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first! ”

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time. ” The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. ” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted more...

I heard this joke recently from Martin Black, an Irish folksinger who tours
with his two brothers as "The Black Brothers." In the Irish idiom, it went
thus:
An Irish walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guiness and sits
in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he
finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The
bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would
taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well,
you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia,
and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink
this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender
admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way:
He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One more...

A man goes into a pub, takes a seat at the bar, and orders five pints. The barman gives him an odd
look since the man's all by himself, but he serves up the five pints and lines them up on the bar.
The man downs them.... One, Two, Three, Four, Five. He finishes the last one and calls to the barman,
"Four pints, please, mate!"
The barman serves up four pints and lines them on the bar. The man downs them.... One, Two, Three,
Four. Then he belches loudly, sways slightly on the stool, and orders three more pints. And one after
the other, he knocks them back.... One, Two, Three.
"Two pintsh, mate!" he calls, and the barman places two pints in front of him. Down they go.... One,
Two.
As the man slams the last one down on the bar, he says, "One pint, mate." So the barman fills the
glass.
The man sits there, staring at it for a moment, trying to focus.
Then he looks at the barman and says, "Y'know, more...

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthily examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month."

Murphy, saddened and shocked by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints.

After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber.
There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventual approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good more...

An Irishman named Darren went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Darren in the eye, and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live."
Darren was shocked and saddened by the news but was of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting.
Darren, "Well, son. We Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer, and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."
After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Darren old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Darren told them that the Irish celebrate more...

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthily examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month."
Murphy, saddened and shocked by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints.
After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber.
There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventual approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. more...