Piss Jokes / Recent Jokes
21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM! EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry more...
(read with atalien accent)
I go to america and i go into a small restauraunt i ask for 2 piss of toust he only give me one piss i tell him i want a piss he sais go to the bathroom i say no no no you dont understand i want a piss on me plate he says you beter not piss on de plate you son of a bitch i dont even now the guy he call me a son of a bitch.
then i go to a fancy restauraunt and he give a spoon a knife but no fock i tell him i wanna fock he says evrybody wanna fuck i say no no no you dont understand i wanna fock on de table he say you better not fuck on de able you son of a bitch.
Then i go back to my hotel and there is no shit on de bed i tell him i wanna shit he says go to the bathroom i say no no no you dont understand i want a shit on the bed he sais you better not shit on de bed you don of a bitch.
the next morning i go to the counter he says peace to you i say piss on you to you son of a bitch im going back o italie.
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman.
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy,
you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied.
"Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
I'm hungry:
"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair."
"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."
I'm thirsty:
"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm drier than a nuns nasty."
"I'm dry as a f**k with no foreplay."
"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards."
"I'm drier than an Arab's fart."
I need to go for a pee:
"Gonna drain me dragon."
"My back teeth are floating."
"Need to syphon the python."
"Takin' the kids to the pool."
"I got to take a snakes more...
1) Excitable - Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2) Sociable - Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
3) Cross-eyed - Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4) Timid - Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
5) Indifferent - All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
6) Clever - No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.
7) Worried - Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8) Frivolous - Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9) Absent-Minded - Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10) Childish - Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11) Sneaky - Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12) Patient - Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13) Desperate - Waits in long line, teeth floating, more...
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the more...
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want." The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks and the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted. The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she more...