Pit Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Grand Prix was in full swing, the cars hurtling round the track at death-defying speeds.

The German driver pulled in and his pit crew had his car finished and out on the track again in eight seconds.

The Italian driver came in and his pit crew changed his tyres, refuelled the car and repaired his carby all in 11 seconds!

The Aussie car came in. They told him to bring it in on Thursday, leave the keys and they'd get back to him with a quote.

December 1
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
----------------------------------------------
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that, Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There more...

Absorbed in his own little world, once Ujaagar fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out. A Subjective person came along and said:
'I feel for you down there.'

An Objective person came along and said.
'It's logical that someone would be down there.'

A Journalist came along and said:
'I want the exclusive story on the man's pit.'

Confucious said:
'If you had listened to me, you wouldn't be in
that pit.'

Buddha said:
'Your pit is only a state of mind.'

A Realist said:
'That's a pit.' A Scientist:
Calculated the pressure necessary to get him out
of the pit.

A Geologist said:
'Observe the rock strata in the pit.'

A Taxman asked:
'Are you paying taxes for the pit?'

A Municipal Inspector asked:
'Do you have a permit to dig a pit?' An Evasive person came along: And avoided the subject of the pit altogether.

A Self-pitying person more...

A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said,' I will grant you three wishes.' The man's first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the world. **POOF** The genie gave him all the gold nuggets in the world, all the gold bars, all the gold pebbles, etc. The man could not think of anything for his third wish, so he went out for a ride in his Ferrari. He turned on the radio, and after a few minutes, his favorite song came on. He decided to sing along:' Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner...'

St. Peter was checking the gate between Heaven and Hell and found a broken hinge. He walked over to the pit and called to the devil. The devil swaggers up out of the pit and says, "Yo man, whatta ya want." St. Peter: "The hinge is broken and it's your turn to fix it." The devil retorted, "Gee, I am a bit busy and don't have anyone to spare for the job right now." St. Peter got angry. "Look we have an agreement, and it's your turn to fix the gate." The Devil responded, "Sorry Pete, it's our peak season and there just isn't anyone available for this." St. Peter turned red and exclaimed, "Ok, if that's the way you want it, we'll sue." A big grin broke out on the devil's face. "Oh ya, and just where are you going to find a lawyer?"