Planet Jokes / Recent Jokes
On the 7th day instead of resting God decided to make the most beautiful country on the planet. He decided to bestow it with abundant wildlife - mountain sheep, grizzly bears, salmon and other unique and amazing creatures. As a backdrop God decided that some of the most majestic mountains, creeks and rivers are required. He then decided that this place should be called Canada and that the people inhabiting this area should be called Canadians and be the envy of all nations on the planet earth.
At this point one of his angels asked "Don't you think you are being a bit generous to these Canadians?" To which God replied "No, you should see the neighbours I am giving them"
The Last Holdout
There was a knock on the door. It was the man from Microsoft. "Not you again," I said.
"Sorry," he said, a little sheepishly. "I guess you know why I'm here."
Indeed I did. Microsoft's $300 million campaign to promote the Windows 95 operating system was meant to be universally effective, to convince every human being on the planet that Windows 95 was an essential, some would say integral, part of living. Problem was, not everyone had bought it. Specifically, I hadn't. I was the Last Human Being Without Windows 95. And now this little man from Microsoft was at my door, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.
"No," I said.
"You know I can't take that," he said, pulling out a copy of Windows 95 from a briefcase. "Come on. Just one copy. That's all we ask."
"Not interested," I said. "Look, isn't there someone else you can go bother for a while? There's got to be someone more...
NO ZAMBODIANS, PLEASE: Judge Rules Out Prince Mongo's CostumeMEMPHIS, Tenn. - A judge has ruled that a defendant can't show up for trial wearing fur, bones, goggles and pale green body paint, even if he is from the planet Zambodia.But an attorney for the man who calls himself Prince Mongo wants to make a federal case out of his client's 10-day jail sentence for contempt of court. Slug PM-Prince Mongo. New, may stand. Federal court hearing starts at 1 p.m. EDT.
Pluto was declassified as a planet today. In an effort to appease DisneyCorp, which was upset at losing the only planet named after a character, the International Astronimical Union agrees to name the remaining planets after the Seven Dwarves.
In a related story, to achieve a seven-planet solar system to accomodate this new naming convention, DisneyCorp was allowed to use a super-secret missle stored in EuroDisney to destroy the planet Uranus. DisneyCorp executives said the planet's name made them "uncomfortable."
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; "Look son, look what I've made". Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
God replied, "It's a planet and I've put LIFE on it. I've named it Earth and there is a balance between everything on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them that's going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. I've put a continent of white people in the north and another one of black people in the south."
The archangel then said, "And what's that long white line there?"
And God said "Ah - that is New Zealand - the land of the long white cloud and that's a very special place. That's going to be more...
A demonstation in Las Cruces, New Mexico for Pluto remaining a planet had people wearing t-shirts and holding signs that said, "Size Doesn't Matter." Which is true. It's not the size of the planet that matters; it's how it orbits.