Planet Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. "I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and more...
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, "Where were you?". God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; look my child, look what Ive just finished making. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said what is it? God replied, "its another planet, but this time, I ve decided to put LIFE on it. Ive named it earth and theres going to be a balance between evertyhing on it. For example, theres North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - thats going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. Ive put a continent of white people in the North and another one of black people in the South". And then the archangel said, "and whats that long white line there?" And God said "ahhh thats the land of the long white cloud - Aotearoa - (New more...
A guy was standing in the bus, when something knocks repeataidly on his shoulder. He turns around to find a strange shaped creature standing beside him.
The guy: "Who are you, you scared me?"
The creature: "Don't be afraid, I am your friend Mac from mars and I am on a visit to your planet"
The guy: "Excuse me friend, but what are these four holes in your face?"
The creature: "They are my eyes."
The guy: "And what are these eight buttons?"
The creature: "They are my ears."
The guy: "But excuse me brother, how you are macking sex to each other?"
The creature: "By knocking on the shoulders of others!!!"
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and more...
So now it's Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Bashful, Doc, Grumpy, Sneezy, and Pluto.
I don't think of it as a demotion at all. At least the dwarves have speaking roles.
PS As far as the actual debate goes on whether Pluto is still technically a planet, perhaps some thought should be given to the generations of children that, if Pluto is NOT a planet, will be wondering what My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine of.
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."
"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
"When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader"
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more...
The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly alright.
Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and it works properly.
The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new life form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form wearing a funny hat.
The crew of the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without a serious incident.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
A power surge on the more...