Planet Jokes / Recent Jokes

Scientists meeting at the International Astronomers Union in Prague this week voted that Pluto is no longer a planet but rather a "dwarf planet." Three other planets in our solar system were re-classified as well:
Jupiter - "Super-Size Planet"
Saturn - "Bling Planet"
Mars - "Earth's Bitch"

The state of the world had reached such cataclysmic proportions, that the religious leaders of the planet decided that it was time to get together and put past differences behind them. Only through godliness, it was felt, would the human race have a chance to survive. If believers in different faiths could get along, then all the non-believers in the world would follow suit.
A big conference was held in Geneva, which was attended by all the leaders of the world's major and not so major religions. However, it soon became apparent that the job at hand was not going to be as simple as they thought. After all, hadn't religion been the main cause for persecution, war and general bloodshed for thousands of years? All the participants decided that they would go away for six months in order to discuss matters with their co-religionists to look for compromises that could be made. In this way, it was hoped, believers would find other creeds more palatable.
For half a year, the whole more...

Once again Leroy was asked to do a simple homework assignment.
Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper. He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in sentences. Here's what he handed in:
HONOR ROLL
We was playin poker on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL.
PLANET
I got me some seed to grow weed, so I PLANET in the backyard.
DISMAY
I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a big needle. He said, "DISMAY hurt a little."
OMELETTE
Every time I start a new job, OMELETTE go after a week.
STAIRWAY
When me and my homies get high, we STAIRWAY into space.
MOBILE
I went to buy crack, I was short on cash, my man said, "Gimme one MOBILE."
DEFENSE
I ran from the cops, and hopped DEFENSE and got away.
AFRO
I got so mad at my bitch, AFRO a lamp at her.
AFTERMATH
I like to be high in school, so AFTERMATH I go to the field and smoke weed.
LOCKET
I slam the more...

INTERVIEW WITH THE EASTER BUNNY

With the possible exception of Santa Claus himself, there is not a busier mammal on the face of the earth than the Easter Bunny. Once a year, the Easter Bunny hops into the home of hundreds of millions of boys and girls all over the globe, dropping off chocolates, candy and eggs as part of the celebration of Easter. Our Staff spent a few minutes with the Easter Bunny as he was preparing for this year's task, for a tell-all, no-holds-barred interview. If you thought you knew the Easter Bunny, you just may be surprised.

Our Staff: Thanks for talking to us.

Easter Bunny: No problem. Do you mind if I eat while we talk? (takes out a packet of small green pellets) I've been in a rush recently.

OS: Go right ahead. We've got a list of questions here, compiled from our members, and I'll just go down the list if you don't mind.

EB: Ready when you are.

OS: The first question comes from Ted, in more...

A Press Release -
WASHINGTON D.C. The House Appropriations subcommittee on NASA oversight, in another effort to reduce the NASA budget, passed a resolution today to downsize the solar system. According to an unnamed congressional staffer, House Republicans felt there has been "too much redundancy in the solar system" and that streamlining the 4.5 billion year old planetary system is long overdue. Such action would give NASA fewer places to go and this would allow the agency to carry out its space exploration goals within the funding profile that the House proposed earlier this summer.
"Look, we have three terrestrial planets" said Congressman Rip U. Apart (R, Del.), "and only one of them really works! So why not get rid of the other two and clean up the neighborhood?" Most subcommittee members felt that while downsizing was definitely in the cards, eliminating both Mars and Venus was going too far. "We have too many international commitments more...