Plans Jokes / Recent Jokes

The political world was thrown into a frenzy today when Brett Favre announced that he's not only considering retiring from football but also considering running for President in 2008.

With his dramatic announcement, Favre becomes the only political candidate to be considering two plans for the future at the same time.

"This is just the kind of multi-tasking Americans expect from their next President," gushed political commentator James Carville on ABC's Meet the Press.

Favre emphasized that he wanted to make a decision in time for Democrats to draft another candidate in the event he decided not to run. "Which means y'all will know my plans sometime around late September in 2008," said Favre.

The Green Bay quarterback defended his decision to consider his decision to retire noting that he felt he still could perform at the professional level despite his advanced age and deteriorating skills and added, "Just like John more...

See Mother. See Mother laugh. Mother is happy. Mother is happy
about Christmas. Mother has many plans. Mother has many plans for
Christmas. Mother is organized. Mother smiles all the time.
Funny, funny Mother.

See mother. See mother smile. Mother is happy. The shopping is all
done. See the children watch T. V. Watch children, watch. See the
children change their minds. See them ask Santa for different toys.
Look, look, Mother is not smiling. Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother sew. Mother will make dresses. Mother will
make robes. Mother will make shirts. Look. .. Mother put the
zipper in wrong. See Mother sews the dress on the wrong side. See
Mother cut the skirt too short. See Mother put the material away
until January. Look, look, see Mother take a tranquilizer. Funny,
funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother buy raisins and nuts. See Mother buy
candied pineapple and powdered sugar. See more...

After Leslie brought home her fiance to meet her parents, her father invited the young man into his study to find out more about him. "What are your plans?" he asked Joseph."I'm a scholar of the Torah," Joseph replied."Well, that's admirable," Leslie's father replied. "But what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?""I will study, and God will surely provide for us," Joseph explained."And how will you buy her a nice engagement ring?""I will study hard, and God will provide for us.""And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?""Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiance.The conversation continued in much the same fashion. After Joseph and Leslie had left, her mother asked her father what he found out.The father answered, "Well, he has no job and no plans, but the good news is that he thinks I'm God."

A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital. After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp. The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try." Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?" "Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."

Porn star Mary Carey unveiled plans on Tuesday to auction off her autographed, recently removed breast implants for charity.


Not to be outdone, former Jag star Catherine Bell plans to auction off her breast implants that will include a complete autobiography.

Health plans are like hospital gowns...You only think you're covered.

A young woman brings her fiancee' home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man, so the father invites the fiancee' to his study for a drink.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee'.
The conversation proceeds like more...