Plate Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal."
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of this plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yolks. So he asked again, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore!"
Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, Grandfather's dog started to more...

A little girl and her father decided to go to church, because her father wanted to introduce her to the Christian World. As they sat down, a collection plate begins to be passed around. As the plate came to the girl's father, he searches his pockets for money. Then his daughter whispers in his ear, "Don't worry Daddy, I'm already free and covered... I'm under 5."

There is a little Mercedes 280 SL in Toronto being driven by a gorgeous blonde and the plate reads:

WAS HIS

Taipei, Taiwan (AP) - Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further - eat the plate.Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers.Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each.Diners who don't want to eat the items - which taste like unsalted popcorn - can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said.Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused.

You know you're a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

PlateICNCYDU
MeaningI see inside you, a radiologist's plate
PlateCYIMBRK
MeaningSee Why I'm broke, found on a cherry 95 ford 3/4 ton truck
PlateOH2B39
MeaningA woman in her early 50's has had this plate for about the last ten years
PlateYURNEXT
MeaningOn the car of an undertaker
Plate1DFOAL
Meaning"Wonderful" (On a Ford Mustang. Get it? Foal as in baby horse)
Plate4SAFETY
MeaningOn a Volvo, what else?
Plate9MPGWOW
Meaning9 Miles Per Gallon, Wow! On a 1966 Cadillac Sedan DeVille
PlateAV8RX
MeaningAviatrix (female pilot)
PlateKPASAMDK
Meaning(Que) Pasa MD [What's up Doc? ]
PlateTOOLONG
MeaningOn a Lincoln super-long limo owned by Super Limousine, Seattle, WA.
PlateW8N4FRI
MeaningWaitin' for Friday...join the club!
PlateWNDWS95
MeaningWindows 95, On a customized 95 Chevy Astro Van
PlateXKWIZIT
MeaningExquisite, on a '56 speedster
PlateZMEGOBYU
MeaningSee me go by more...

Paddy just arrived in America from Ireland on holiday. Now, never having seen a baseball game before, he decides that now would be a good time. So, he goes to the park, and gets himself a bleacher seat. Now, Paddy sees a guy step up to the plate with a stick in his hand. The guy standing on the hump of dirt throws a ball at the guy with the stick, who then *crack* hits the ball and starts running down the side. Everyone around Paddy stands up and shouts "RUN! RUN!!" A second guy steps up to the plate, and damn, if the guy on that hump of dirt doesn't throw that ball again. And again, the guy with the stick *crack* hits the ball and runs down the side. And again, everyone around Paddy again, stands and shouts "RUN! RUN!!" Now, a third guy steps up to the plate with a stick in his hands. This time, when the guy on the hump of dirt throws the ball, the guy with the stick doesn't do anything. And the guy squatting behind the guy with the stick tosses the ball back to more...