Pocket Jokes / Recent Jokes

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife... When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. One is crying. The other asks what's wrong. The crying drunk says, "I've puked all over myself again and my wife's gonna kill me. What do I do pal?"
The one drunk offers this advice: "Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. Put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten bucks to have your clothes cleaned."
"Sound like a great idea," says the crying drunk.
When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is.
The drunk starts spinning the lie and says, "Look for yourself, there's ten bucks in my pocket."
His wife looks in the pocket and finds twenty dollars. "Wait a minute, I thought you said the guy gave you ten bucks for puking on you," says the wife.
"He did," says the drunk, "but he shit in my pants too!"

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife... When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he's had enough. The bartender said, "I've got to ask you - what's with the pocket business?"The man replied, "I have my lawyer's picture in there. When he starts to look honest, I've had enough."

Father Pat and Father Mike were riding down the highway with Father Pat at the wheel. Mileage was being ticked off pretty well when suddenly a little rabbit jumped up onto the highway right in front of the car.
Father Pat did everything he could to miss the little bunny, he wrenched the wheel around, jammed on the brakes, and almost tipped the car over with his maneuvers, but to no avail....the rabbit was hit before the car could be stopped.
Both priests jumped out of the car, ran back to the rabbit to see if there was anything that could be done, but alas, it appeared that the rabbit was gone.
Father Pat pulled a bottle out of his pocket, sprinkled a few drops of the liquid on the rabbit, and instantly it jumped up and started waving vigorously.
Father Mike looked at Father Pat and said, "It's a miracle!" The rabbit stood there and continued to wave at them. Since it appeared that nothing else was needed, the two priests returned to the car, and Father Pat more...

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "Its not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "Its not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "Its not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since youve had a cigarette?""Ten years!", he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since youve had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, thats more...