Pocket Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy was walking around the office Christmas party belting down drink after drink. But every ten or fifteen minutes, he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look at it, then put it back in his pocket.
Finally, a friend came up to him and said, "George, I've been watching you all night, and I have to ask...what's in your shirt pocket?"
"It's a picture of my wife."
"Why do you keep looking at it?"
"Because," George replied, "When she finally starts looking good, it's time to go home."

One day this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself.

And as the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and asks, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pocket of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man!" "Is that ever good!"

She then asks him, "How long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?"

Trembling, he replies, "Ten Years!"

She more...

A guy was walking around the office Christmas party belting down drink after drink. But every ten or fifteen minutes, he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look at it, then put it back in his pocket.Finally, a friend came up to him and said, "George, I've been watching you all night, and I have to ask...what's in your shirt pocket?""It's a picture of my wife.""Why do you keep looking at it?""Because," George replied, "When she finally starts looking good, it's time to go home."

A man walks into a bar and says,' 'Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy.'' Bartender says,' 'You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?'' The guy says,' 'Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here.''

He then pulls a little 3 inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks,' 'You mean to say, he can drink that much?''' 'Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some,'' the man retorted.

So, the bartender pours the 2 shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.' 'That's amazing!'' says the bartender.' 'What else can he do? Can he walk?'' The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says,' 'Hey, Rodney, go fetch that quarter.'' The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter and runs back down and gives it to the man.

The bartender is in total shock.' 'That's amazing!'' he says.' 'What else can he do? Does he talk?'' The more...

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess. ” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week. ” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want. ” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful more...

Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. "Set up everybody in the place!" he shouts. The bartender obliges.
Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy's pocket, runs down the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guy's pocket.
The Bartender asks what's going on. The guy just reaches back into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says "just set everybody up again." Bartender obliges once more, suspiciously watching the guy.
Once more the little man appears from the guy's shirt pocket. Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitches the napkins into the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again. This time the guy buttons the pocket.
Bartender says "explain yourself, or leave."
Guy says "Well....I was walking down the beach one day, and ran across a bottle in the more...

It was New Year's Eve. .. by then, actually, it was very early on New Year's morning. The drunk staggered out of the men's room and wobbled his way to the bar." I, uh, lll..., I'll ha-have anudder. Maske itta dubble." The bartender looks him over and notices the vomit staining the front of the drunk's sharp looking suit. "Buddy, it looks to me like you've had quite enough. Why don't you call it a night and go home." The drunk protests... "N-n-no! I ca-can't. My, my wife, you, you see... She gammie this new shoot for Chrishmash. Iff she seez what Ife done to it... She, she's gunna kill m-me. Juss gimmie a doubble...""Tell you what," the bartender says. "You got any 20 dollar bills on you?" The drunk pulls out his wallet and thumbs through and replies... "Y-yeah, I got a few...." The bartender takes one of the twenties and stuffs it in the shirt pocket of the poor drunk. "There you go buddy. When your wife asks you what more...