Pocket Jokes / Recent Jokes

A pick pocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes.
"Mr. Brewster," the Judge says, "You are hereby found guilty and fined the sum of $150."
Mr. Brewster's lawyer quickly stands up and says, "Your Honor, my client is a little short at this time. He has only $125 in his pocket, but if you would allow him a few minutes in the crowd... "

Confucius say...Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.Man who fart in church sit in own pew.Baseball very funny game-man with 4 balls no can walk! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town.Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have! Man who run behind car get exhausted.Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.Man with atletic finger make broad jump.Squirrel who runs up more...

There was this basically-good man who died and appeared before St. Peter at the Holy Gates. St. Peter checks out his books and discovers that there is a problem. He says that there is no clear answer in the books on where the man is supposed to go, Heaven or Hell. He suggests that the man go to Hell and check it out, so that he may make the decision himself. If he didn't like what he saw there, he could come back to Heaven. Well, this man had only one true vice while he was alive. It seems he had an uncontrollable desire to play golf at any opportunity. He had traveled the world playing all the famous golf courses. When the man arrived in Hell, Satan welcomed him, but he too was surprised at the man's situation. He had assumed that since the question about the man's ultimate destination wasn't clear, the man would go to Heaven. The man could just see behind Satan a Most Beautiful Golf Course. It had beautiful trees, blue ponds, water separating the fairways, everything. The man fell more...

A young chap is walking down the street when he hears a girl's voice coming from the direction of the gutter. When he looks down he sees a frog.

The frog looks up at him and says "Good sir, I am a beautiful princess who has been trapped in the body of a frog by a wicked witch. If a young man kisses me I will turn back into a princess. If you kiss me and release me from my curse I'll do anything you desire."

The young chap considers this, picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket.

"Please help me!" says the frog. "Kiss me and I will do anything your heart desires. I will be yours until the end of time!"

The young man takes the frog out of his pocket and says "I'm afraid I'm a computer programmer so I haven't got time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now, that's cool."

Looking for a new pet for his wife, a man entered a pet store and asked the salesman for some assistance. The salesman took the man to a parrot at the back of the store.
"This is the perfect pet for your wife," the salesman said. "Chet is a very special creature."
"What makes him so special?" the man asked.
"Watch," said the salesman, as he took a lighter from his pocket and held it under Chet's right foot. Chet immediately began to sing "Deck the halls... " Then, the salesman held the lighter under Chet's left foot and Chet started to sing "Jingle Bells, jingle bells... "
The man was so impressed with Chet that he bought him and hurried home to his wife.
"Look what I bought for you, honey," he said. "This is Chet and he's a very special parrot."
"What makes him so special?" asked the wife.
"Watch," replied the man, as he took a lighter out of his pocket and more...

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn’t have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.. ”I sure do, ” he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.
“Wow! ” said his friend, “where did you get that monster. ”
“I got it from my genie. ”
“You have a genie? ” he asked.
“Yes, he’s right here in my pocket. ”
“Could I see him? ”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.
The friend says, “I’m a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish? ”
“Yes I will, ” the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master’s pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.
About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, “What more...

Confuscious say
"Man who run in front of car get tired"
"Man who run behind car get exhausted"
"Man with one hand in pocket not necessarily jingling change"
"To prevent hangover stay drunk!"
"Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly."
"Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"
"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."
"Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
"Man with one chopstick go hungry."
"Man trapped in whore house get jerked around."
"Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."
"Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
"Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"
"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."
"Man who more...