Pocket Jokes / Recent Jokes

A business man enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a
double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks
inside his shirt pocket, then asks the bartender to prepare another
double martini.
After he finishes the second one, he again peeks inside his shirt
pocket, and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
The same pattern is repeated a few rounds; the business man drinks a
double martini on the rocks, peeks inside his shirt pocket, and orders
another one.
Finally, the bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all
night long, no problem with that. But you just gotta tell me why you
look inside your shirt pocket every time before you order a refill!"
The man replies, "Oh, I'm just peeking at a photo of my wife. When she
starts to look good, then I know it's time for me to go home."

A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"

The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff
the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?"

The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night."

The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink' em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to.
The more...

A guy was walking around the office Christmas party belting down drink after drink. But every ten or fifteen minutes, he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look at it, then put it back in his pocket. Finally, a friend came up to him and said, "George, I've been watching you all night, and I have to ask... what's in your shirt pocket?" "It's a picture of my wife." "Why do you keep looking at it?" "Because," George replied, "When she finally starts looking good, it's time to go home."

The opposing attorney, who was a giant 6’8”, asked a diminutive lawyer, appearing as a witness in one of the courts, what he did for a living. The witness replied that he was a lawyer."You? A lawyer?" said the huge attorney. "Why, I could put you in my pocket.""Very likely you could," replied the other. "But if you did, you'd have more law in your pocket than you ever had in your head."

Guy walks into a bar and orders a double scotch. Gulps it down in one drink and peeks into his shirt pocket. Orders another double scotch. Tosses it back and peeks into his shirt pocket. This process is repeated numerous times and finally after about ten the bartender asks the guy...
"Buddy..Can I ask you a question?"
Guy looks at him through bleary eyes and says sure.
Bartender says... "What's the deal? You've knocked back about a half a bottle of scotch and after every drink you look in your shirt pocket and order another. What's in the pocket?"
Guy says "Picture of my wife... and just as soon as she starts looking good... I'm heading home."

These two Scottish characters are chatting. One of them then pulls out an expensive looking pocket watch from his pocket to check the time. "That's a fine watch you got there!" says the other. "Yeah it is, isn't it? I got it from my grandfather," says the guy with the watch. "Really?" "Yeah, he sold it to me on his death bed."

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting more...