Poem Jokes / Recent Jokes

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M.
The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu".
The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination-Timbuktu.
The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one more...

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M.The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu".The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:Slowly across the desert sandTrekked the dusty caravan.Men on camels, two by twoDestination-Timbuktu.The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:Tim and me, a-huntin' went.Met three whores in a pop-up tent.They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu.

It is the worst of times. It is the best of times.
The Christmas you have depends upon you.
May you be blessed to follow the Light and choose the right.
A Christmas Poem
C is for Credit Cards that make buying a breeze.
H is for your Headache when your cards are seized.
R is for Remembering everyone on your list.
I is for feeling Insulted when your gifts are dissed.
S is for feeling Stressed when you’re on the fly.
T is for the Truckloads of presents that you buy.
M is for your Massive debt that soars into the sky.
A is for the Awful feeling that you’ve gone astray.
S is for your Sorrow and the tears you’ll shed today.
The True Christmas Poem
C is for the Christ child lying in a manager.
H is for the Holy One who saved us all from danger.
R is to Remember Him who died that we may live.
I is to Inspire us that we may always give.
S is for joyful Songs and sacred hymns that praise.
T is more...

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
To hell with this endless poem
The perfect man is gay.

My first time...
The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone
Just her and I
Her hair so soft
Her eyes so blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
To place my hand
On her breasts
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when she did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time
Milking a cow!
(Well what did you think this poem was about? Ya perverts!!)

Did you ever watch the movie "What about Bob?"?
Well here's a poem from it:
Roses are red
violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
and so am I!