Poke Jokes / Recent Jokes
How To Give Your Cat a Pill
1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.
2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)
5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.
6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
7. If more...
Mr. Singh and Mr. Singh, two friends not noted for their depth of intellectual aptitude, were applying for a visa to visit their relatives in the town of London Transport, England. The first Mr. Singh was interviewed by the officer in charge. "Well, Mr. Singh, all we need to know is whether you have the mental resources to survive your trip to London", he said, demonstrating his cultural understanding of the applicant. "Let's see, now - if I poke you with this pencil in your left eye, what will happen? "I'll be blinded in my left eye, sir". "Very good, Mr. Singh. Now, if I poke you with the pencil in your right eye, what will happen?" "I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all." "Well, Mr. Singh, you've passed with flying colors. Enjoy your trip." Mr. Singh then rejoined Mr. Singh in the waiting room, and described his experience. "It was being very easy, Mr. Singh. That very nice more...
WORLD FAMOUS SOUTHERN TALK
BECOME A NATIVE SOUTHERNER
How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson
Aig - What a hen lays
Aints - He's got aints in his paints
Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a mornin
Arn - Ma's tard of arnin
Bag - He bagged her to marry him
Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence
Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.
Bub - the light bub burned out
Cheer - What you set in
Crick - A small stream
Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any' coon
Chiny - country over in Asia
Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes
Core - He got hisself a new Ford core
Cyow - Animal on Farm
Deppity - He helps out the shurf
Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt
Dainz - Satidy night social
Ellum - A graceful tree
Fanger - What you put your rang more...
Mom: No, No, Kayanne! Don't poke your fingers in the meat!
Kayanne: But it's fun mommy!
Dad: She's 5, she reads well, and knows 100 times 100, but doesn't know better than to poke holes in meat that is at the store.
Mom: Where did you get this idea, Kay?
Kayanne: A comic strip! Why, mommy?
Mom & Dad: Kids!
1) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12) If you go into heat, package your meat
13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
20) A crank with armor, will never harm more...
A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon.
The wife, being embarrassed by her husband's loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service with her and poke him when he nods off.
The next week when they were in church the husband, as always, fell asleep. When the preacher asked,' Who created the Earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th?' The wife stuck her husband with the needle and he jumped up and exclaimed,' Oh my God!' The preacher said,' That's correct.' And the husband sat down mumbling to himself.
He soon fell asleep again and when the preacher got to the question,' And who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?' The wife stuck her husband again and he jumped up and exclaimed,' Jesus Christ!' And the preacher said,' Right again.'
With this the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act.
The husband pretended to fall asleep while more...
A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband's loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke him when he nodded off. The next week when they were in church the husband, as always, fell asleep.
"Who created the Earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th?" The wife stuck her husband with the needle and he jumped up and exclaimed, "Oh my God!" The preacher said, "That's correct." And the husband sat down mumbling to himself. He soon fell asleep again.
The preacher got to the question "Who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?" The wife stuck her husband again and he jumped up and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!" And the preacher said, "Right again." With this, the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act. The husband pretended to fall asleep while keeping more...