Police Jokes / Recent Jokes
Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.
A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
Never insult a police officer while they're doing a body cavity search.
- It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
- Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.
- If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.
- Spearfish: If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?" The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first.
Here are some people who should not be allowed to venture into society:
Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
A more...
There are three guys named Manners, Shutup, and Crap.They were really bored, so they decided to run a race. During the race, Crap fell down, and Manners stopped to help him. But Shutup ran so fast the police caught him. Here's how the conversation went:Police Officer #1: "What's your name?"Shutup: "Shutup."Police Officer #2: "Where's your manners?"Shutup: Back there picking up Crap!"