Poor Jokes / Recent Jokes
Republic Insurance Company
Carson, California
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information.
In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "POOR PLANNING" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should elaborate more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which fortunately was attached to the side of the building, at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of more...
YOUR MOM IS SO POOR YOU WALKED INTO HER HOUE AND STEPED ON A SKATEBOARD AND SHE SAID GET OFF OF MY TRANSPORTAION
MURPHY goes into the confessional and says to his priest "I had an affair with a woman... almost."
The priest says, "What do you mean, almost?"
MURPHY says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped"
The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say 5 Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
MURPHY leaves the confessional, says his prayers,
then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly runs over to him saying, "MURPHY!!! I saw that you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
MURPHY replies, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in.
It was well known that a certain lake was very poor for fishing up north, but a game warden happened to notice that one guy kept coming home with his limit of fish on several occations. He asked the guy: "How is it that you are catching fish out of that lake when no one else can?" The guy replied: "Well I am going back up there tommorow, why don't you come along?" And, so the warden did. They were in the boat when the fisherman reached over and lit a stick of dynamite and then tossed it overboard. BOOM!!! There were fish floating to the surface all over! The game warden freaked out, and said: "You can't do that! That's illeagal!" The fisherman reached over and lit another stick and said: "Are you going to fish, or talk?"
Dearest Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry about poor old me. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe, or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your lonely ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my Grandchildren. Lord knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies. But then, I guess you two do save a lot of money shopping for their clothes at the Salvation Army surplus stores and all. Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral, so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would never let you come. Why, I more...
McDonald, who was very sad, met his friend Sandy in the street.
He said to his friend, “I cannot make up my mind whether to marry a wealthy widow whom i don’t love or a poor girl whom i love very much. ”
Sandy said, “My dear friend, I advise you to listen to your heart and marry the poor girl that you love. ”
“You are right. I will marry the poor girl. ”
“In that case, can you give me the widow’s address? ”
Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.