Poor Jokes / Recent Jokes

SO GREASY
Yo momma's so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo momma's so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo momma's so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her!
SO NASTY
Yo momma's so nasty, she made speed stick slow down!
Yo momma's so nasty, she brings crabs to the beach!
Yo momma's so nasty, she made the right guard turn left!
Yo momma's so nasty, the fishery paid her to leave!
Yo momma's so nasty, she has to creep up on bathwater!
Yo momma's so nasty, she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh!
Yo momma's so nasty, I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.
SO POOR
Yo momma's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "Moving!"
Yo momma's so poor, she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo momma's so poor, when I ring the door bell, I hear the toilet flush!
Yo momma's so poor, when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other more...

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass? ” he asked one man. “We don’t have any money for food, ” the poor man replied. “Oh, come along with me then. ” “But sir, I have a wife with two children! ” “Bring them along! And you, come with too! ” he said to the other man. “But sir, I have a wife with six children! ” the second man answered. “Bring them as well! ” They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. ” The rich man replied “No, you don’t understand, the grass at my home is about six inches high! ”

Farmer John was taking his cow and it's newborn calf to sell in the auction. On the way farmer John got robbed by thieves, who beat him up, stripped him of his clothes and tied him to a tree. Then taking the mother cow and John's clothes, the thieves escaped. They, however, left the newborn calf behind.
Poor farmer John suffered as for two days, he stood tied to a tree, stark naked and hungry. Fortunately, on the third day, some neighbors happened to pass by. They recognized John and untied him.
When they did, farmer John picked up a long stick and started whipping the calf with it.
'Why are you thrashing the poor calf?' his neighbors asked?
To which farmer John replied, 'I had to tell this beast for the past two days repeatedly...I am NOT your mother! I am NOT your mother!!!

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked gently on the door. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked politely. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I just have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?"

A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."

"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"

They sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

One day a lawyer was riding in his limosine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass?"

The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford anything thing to eat."

So the layer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."

The guys says, "But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along.

When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."

The lawyer replied, "You're going to love it there... the grass is a foot tall!"

Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
I know. I know. I know that people say "It's the thought that counts, not the gift", but couldn't people think a little biger!
Santa Claus is a Jolly fellow! Imagine all that driving and still being able to say "Ho! Ho! Ho!
Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna.
Every year, Christmas becomes less a birthday and more a Clearance Sale.
Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and thanks to credit cards, it's on my Visa Card Statement twelve months a year also.
Some of these new toys are so creative and inventive. This year they have a Neurotic Doll. It's wound up already.
I bought my friend some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift-wrap counter and told them to wrap it, but in different paper, so he'd know when to stop unwrapping.
When I was young we were poor. We didn't have a Christmas tree, we had a Christmas stump.
When more...