Portland Jokes

In my own words: "I was flying from SFO to PDX on Friday, and the flight attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane looking at each other like' what the heck?' (Getting PDX people to look at each other is an accomplishment.) So once we got airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it."

Before takeoff...
"Hello, and welcome to Alaska Flight 438 to Portland. If you're going to Portland, you're in the right place. If you're not going to Portland, you're about to have a really long evening."

"We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft. The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is...The Flight Attendants. Please look at one now."

"There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're more...

THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
Runners-up: [AP, Mammoth Lakes] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities said.
Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated that the tower he hit was the one with its pad more...

Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine.
Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy
said, "Ya know Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane."
And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that aihplane
ride costs ten dollahs.... And ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So Stumpy says, "By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old. If I don't go
this time I may nevah go." Martha replies "Stumpy, that there aihplane
ride is ten dollahs... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So the pilot overhears them and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal,
I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride
and not say one word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten
dollars."
They agree and up they go.... The pilot does all kinds of twists and
turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does it one more...

A newcomer to Portland arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks,' 'Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?'' The kid says,' 'How should I know? I'm only 6.''

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''I can't believe it,' ' said the tourist.' 'I've been here in Portland an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?''' 'Well, that's hard to say,'' replied the local.' 'Last year, it was on a Wednesday.''

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What do you call two straight days of rain in Portland? An average weekend.

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In Portland, what do you call a sunny day which follows two wet ones? Monday.

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What did the more...

Portland: It`s against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink.(Oregon Dumb Laws)