Portland Jokes / Recent Jokes

Stumpy Grider and his Wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said "Ya know Mahtha, Ah'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane".
Every year Martha would say, "Ah know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs".
So Stumpy says, "By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go".
Martha replies, "Stumpy, that theah aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs".
So the pilot overhears them and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars".
They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard; he does it one more time, still nothing... so fair is fair and he more...

Stumpy Grider and his Wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said "Ya know Mahtha, Ah'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane". Every year Martha would say, "Ah know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs". So Stumpy says, "By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go".Martha replies, "Stumpy, that theah aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs".So the pilot overhears them and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars".They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard; he does it one more time, still nothing... so fair is fair and he lands.He turns to more...

Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said " Ya know Mahtha, I'd like
ta get a ride in that theah aihplane." and every year Martha would say "I know Stumpy, but that ihplane ride costs ten dollahs... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So Stumpy says "By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go." Martha replies "Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten
dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So the pilot overhears them and says "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars."
They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard, he does it one more time, still nothing... so he lands.
He turns to more...

Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing. Dishes must drip dry. Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e., that which covers one's body from neck to knee. Eugene: It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays. Eugene: It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert. Hood River: Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. Klamath Falls: It's illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane. Portland: It's against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. Portland: People may not whistle underwater. Portland: You cannot wear roller skates in restrooms. Marion: Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon. Myrtle Creek: One may not box with a kangaroo. Salem: Women may not wrestle in Salem. Springfield: It is illegal to own a reptile within the city limits, unless you are a school or city, as a more...

Portland: It`s against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink.(Oregon Dumb Laws)

A newcomer to Portland arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks,' 'Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?'' The kid says,' 'How should I know? I'm only 6.''

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''I can't believe it,' ' said the tourist.' 'I've been here in Portland an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?''' 'Well, that's hard to say,'' replied the local.' 'Last year, it was on a Wednesday.''

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What do you call two straight days of rain in Portland? An average weekend.

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In Portland, what do you call a sunny day which follows two wet ones? Monday.

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What did the more...

Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital.

Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a man's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye.

Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimetre to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.

Roberts admitted afterwards he and more...