Post Jokes / Recent Jokes

When the Rev. Billy Graham came to our local community to be the guest preacher for a holiday evening worship service, he arrived to the church in the afternoon. He wanted to check the setting for his performance, meet with the minister, and take care of some personal matters.

He realized that he had an important letter to mail, so he walked out to the portico, and saw a young boy on a bicycle on his way through. He stopped the boy on his bike to ask him directions on how he might get to the local post office.

The boy obliged, giving Billy Graham precise directions to the nearest post office.

Billy Graham then offered the boy two tickets to his appearance for himself and his mother, and to hear Billy Graham address the topic: "How to Get to Heaven" that evening.

The boy refused to accept the tickets by saying, "I am sorry but I can't accept he tickets because, if you can't find your way to the post office, how can you tell me more...

A doctor started having an affair with his nurse, and shortly after this started, she announced that she had become pregnant.
Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out the pregnancy and have the baby over there.
"But how will you know when our baby is born?" she asked.
"Well", he said, "After you've had the baby, just send me a post card and write' sauerkraut' on the back". Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at his office. "Dear, you received a very strange post card in the mail today", she explained. "I don't understand what it means!".
"Just wait till I get home and I'll read it," he replied.
Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his post card which said:
"SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT, more...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa S**thead, whoa A**hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your more...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.Whoa S**thead, whoa A**hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, more...

Late-breaking news: Federal investigators have revealed that yesterday's
record drop in the stock market was apparently triggered by two
high-school students operating out of a basement somewhere in Western
Pennsylvania. The names of the suspects, both minors, have not been
released. Arrest warrants have allegedly been issued, but the student
hackers apparently have not yet been apprehended. A spokesman for the
FBI refused to comment on the rumor that the two had managed to leave
the country carrying millions of dollars in cash and gold.
Just after the close of stock trading on Monday, the Washington Post
received a call from two individuals who claimed to be the stock market
"hackers." The callers explained that they have been breaking into the
computer systems of major brokerage houses for several months,
"adjusting" the price of various stocks. This was done by telephone,
using a Macintosh personal computer more...

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Woa Shithead, woa Asshole, woa Stupid, woa Putz,
Either slow down this more...

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. Woa Shithead, woa Asshole, woa Stupid, woa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, more...