Postal Jokes / Recent Jokes
The US Postal Service has issued a recall of a stamp they created with a picture of Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements while serving as the First Lady of our nation.
The problem was discovered when claims had been made that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes, and that mail which had been sent using the "Hillary" postage was not being delivered. Senator Clinton demanded a full investigation into the allegations.
A special Postal Service Investigation team was formed and after several months and many dollars spent, made the following findings:
*The stamp was manufactured properly.
*There was nothing wrong with the adhesive.
*People were just spitting on the wrong side
OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zipOLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the typeOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte itOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompileOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with lifeOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bitsOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just lose their memory OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just move to new addressesOLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurseOLD PROPANE TANKS never die, they just run out of gasOLD PROSITUTES never die, they just fake away... OLD PUNTERS never die, they just go horseOLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just fade back and pass awayOLD QUILTERS never die, they just go to piecesOLD QUILTERS never die, they just go under cover
New Corporate Buzz Words for the 90's Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, and then leaves. Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles. Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running. Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. more...
Off to Welfare recepients, virgins, postal workers, very large people, mild sexual content, etc, etc, etc.
The new Republican agenda calls for elimination of welfare payments for a third child. They're calling it "Three Tykes and You're Out".
While in Hawaii, President Clinton visited volcanoes. He really isn't interested in volcanoes, he was just looking for virgins.
Progress has been slow in the Postal Service contract talks. Postal strikes are forbidden by law, but that hasn't stopped workers from staging job actions such as delivering mail undamaged, on time and to the right address...
Speaking of the Post Office... The new Nixon stamp is different from other stamps. According to the postmaster, you'll be able to accuse the stamp of a cover up, you just won't be able to make it stick. In order to make the new Marilyn Monroe stamp stick, you have to lick it a bunch of times. Oddly enough, most guys don't seem to mind.
A Sellersville, Pa. woman who more...
New Corporate Buzz Words for the 90's
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, and then leaves.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops more...
A Post Office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of 100 dollars. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn''t receive some divine intervention.
The worker organizes a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig deep and come up with 96 dollars. They get it to her by special courier the same morning.
A week later, the same postal worker recognizes the same hand on another envelope. He opens it and reads: "Dear God, Thank you for the 100 dollars. This month would have been so bleak otherwise. P. S. It was four dollars short but that was probably those thieving bastards at the Post Office."
Two postal workers had just gotten off their routes for the day when one of the postal workers saw the other step on a snail.
"Why did you step on that snail, Tom?" asked his perplexed co-worker.
"Cause that darn snail's been following me around work all day!"