Tourists Jokes

In Alaska's National Forests, a tourists guide was giving a talk to a group of tourists about hiking in grizzly bear territory:

"Most bear encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet along the trails in hopes of viewing wildlife, accidentally stumble into bears. The resulting suprise can be catastrophic."

To avoid this, he suggested that each hiker wear tiny bells on their clothing to warn the bears of their presence. "Also," he said further, "be especially cautious when you see signs of bears in the area, especially when you see bear droppings."

One tourist asked, "How do you identify bear droppings?"

"Oh that's easy," the guide explained, "its the ones with all the tiny bells in them!"

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, criticizes on everything, and then leaves.
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always have their idea generators running.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce more...

As U.S. tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She's not from the States."

"Yes I am," said the wife.

He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?"

"Yes," she replied.

Turning to the husband, he began to negotiate. "I'll give you 100 camels for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence.

Finally he replied, "She's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how more...

Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town`s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter one asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."

New Corporate Buzz Words for the 90`s

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn`t work out obsessively.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, and then leaves.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation`s answer to the couch potato.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people`s heads pop up over the walls to see what`s going on.
SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for more...