Posters Jokes / Recent Jokes

Top 20 things we'd like to see on those inspirational posters around the office
1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
7. Plagiarism saves time.
8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
10. TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Never underestimate the power of very more...

USENET ParodyNo no, the question is: How many USENET posters does it take to changea lightbulb? A1. Define "change"A2. How do you know the lightbulb is out? A3. Don't use the word "posters" to describe us, it's offensive tolarge sheets of papers with pictures on them which hang on walls. A4. That question is not appropriate for this group, please take itelsewhere. A5. I think it's perfectly appropriate, this is alt. fan. lightbulbs. A6. Well, that's because you're a twit. A7. Who are you calling a "twit"? Besides, you spelled "twit" wrong. A8. Oh? And how exactly do *you* spell "twit", twit? A9. Could you two take this to e-mail? Doesn't anyone want to talkabout lightbulb fans instead of flaming? A10. You're a twit also, who died and made you net. cop? A11. Look, all of you, take it to alt. flame or e-mail or something. A12. Hey, USENET is an anarchy, you have no right to tell them what topost or not post. A13. Speaking of anarchists, more...

Top 20 Sayings We'd Like To See On Those Office Inspirational Posters: 1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. 3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. 4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity. 6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. 7. Plagiarism saves time. 8. If at first you don't succeed, try management. 9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. 10. TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself. 11. The beatings will continue until morale improves. 12. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. 13. We waste time so you more...

Top 20 things we'd like to see on those inspirational posters around the office.
1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
7. Plagiarism saves time.
8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
10. TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Never underestimate the more...

USENET ParodyNo no, the question is: How many USENET posters does it take to changea lightbulb? A1. Define "change"A2. How do you know the lightbulb is out? A3. Don't use the word "posters" to describe us, it's offensive tolarge sheets of papers with pictures on them which hang on walls.A4. That question is not appropriate for this group, please take itelsewhere.A5. I think it's perfectly appropriate, this is alt.fan.lightbulbs.A6. Well, that's because you're a twit.A7. Who are you calling a "twit"? Besides, you spelled "twit" wrong.A8. Oh? And how exactly do *you* spell "twit", twit? A9. Could you two take this to e-mail? Doesn't anyone want to talkabout lightbulb fans instead of flaming? A10. You're a twit also, who died and made you net.cop? A11. Look, all of you, take it to alt.flame or e-mail or something.A12. Hey, USENET is an anarchy, you have no right to tell them what topost or not post.A13. Speaking of anarchists, why don't more...

Sayings That Should Be On Those Office Inspirational Posters:
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
Plagiarism saves time.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
We waste more...

How many internet group posters does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light
bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"... another 6 to
condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light
bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation
of their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this group is not about more...