Pot Jokes / Recent Jokes

Make Your Family Qualify To Operate All The Appliances In Your Home (I. E. Dishwasher Operator, Blender Technician, Etc.).
Walk Around Your Car For 4 Hours Checking The Tire Pressure Every 15 Minutes.

Sit In Your Car And Let It Run For 4 Hours Before Going Anywhere. This Is To Ensure Your Engine Is Properly "Lighted Off."

Empty All The Garbage Bins In Your House, And Sweep Your Driveway 3 Times A Day, Whether They Need It Or Not. (Now Sweepers, Start Your Brooms, Clean Sweep Down Fore And Aft,

Empty All Toilet Cans Over The Fantail)

Repaint Your Entire House Once A Month.
Cook All Of Your Food Blindfolded, Groping For Any Spice And Seasoning You Can Get Your Hands On.

Use Eighteen Scoops Of Budget Coffee Grounds Per Pot, And
Allow Each Pot To Sit 5 Hours Before Drinking.

Have Your Neighbor Collect All Your Mail For A Month, Read Your Magazines, And Randomly Lose Every 5th Item.

Spend more...

Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says,
"Dear Mr. Burford... All is forgiven. Just tell us... where it is?"

Mahinda decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, his old friend Wimal came home.

Wimal: Mahinda How is your MBA preparation?

Mahinda: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.

Wimal: Logic is very easy.

Mahinda: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.

Wimal: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?

Mahinda: YES.

Wimal: Logically, there will be water in it.

Mahinda: YES.

Wimal: Logically, there will be fish in it.

Mahinda: YES.

Wimal: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.

Mahinda: YES.

Wimal: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.

Mahinda: YES.

Wimal: so, logically, your are married.

Mahinda: YES.

Wimal: So, that means U are a heterosexual.

Mahinda was very glad and more...

My uncle Jack served in the late 60s on the aircraft carrier USS Ranger, CVA-61, in the Tonkin Gulf off the east coast of Vietnam. Having spent his youth with Ham radio, he became an electronics technician. He came aboard fresh from high school, Basic Training, and the US Navy's radio repairman's school. In the radio shop, as probably elsewhere on the ship, in the Navy, and in military life in general, life is regulated by a strict hierarchy. In small organizational units, where the hierarchy is rather flat, the pecking order must be decided by some means other than stripe count. In the Ranger's radio repair shop, the man with the least seniority was assigned to arrive earlier in the morning to make the coffee, so it would be ready by the time the rest of the crew arrived. The first morning out of port, the chief petty officer was giving him the shop tour, focusing closely on coffee-making procedures. "Ya see kid, first ya put eight scoops of coffee in da basket, den ya put da more...

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.
The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.
When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight more...

Q: How many gypsies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, but you lose a lot of light bulbs.

Note: None because gypsies don't have mains electricity, and the losing is a play on the larcenous reputation of Gypsies. You give a Gypsy a light bulb and ask him to change the hallway lamp, pretty soon you have one less light bulb and the hallway lamp is still out.)

Q: How many Helmsley employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 100: 99 to try, and one to fire them all.

Note: Leona Helmsley is the owner of a New York hotel who was a terrible person to work for. She fired employees at little or no provocation. She was so nasty to her employees that she was known as the "Queen of Mean".)

Q: How many pot growers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they use fluorescent bulbs instead.

Note: Fluorescent light is closer to natural sunlight than an incandescent bulb, so anyone using artificial more...

Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he hasto take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts downto use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls areoccupied, so he runs back up to his room, and indesperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, andtakes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back inthe pot and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel thatsays, "Dear Mr. Jones, All is forgiven. Just tell us... where is it?"