Pray Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman approaches a priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?", the priest asked.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's terrible!", the priest exclaimed. "I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."
"Thank you." said the lady.
So, the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots more...

A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated virtually all our visibility." The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a semi-retired minister... "Now, now, keep calm, folks" he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray." Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except fellow near the back. "Why aren't you bowing your head to pray?" the minister asked." Well, I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger." Well, just do something religious!" piped up another well meaning passenger. So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat...

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.
I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how
to say one thing."
"What do they say?", the priest asked.
"They only know how to say `Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to
have some FUN?'"
"That's terrible!", the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to
your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house
and I
will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray
and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop
saying
that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and
worship."
"Thank you," said the lady.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's
house.
The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads
and praying in their cage.
The lady more...

Dear Lord, I pray for:
Wisdom, To understand a man
Love, To forgive him and
Patience, For his moods
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.""You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

But the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify more...