Pray Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"
The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

Lord, before I lay me down to sleep I pray for a man, who's not a creep;
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who thinks before he speaks, When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed, and when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end, and never attempt to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray to my bed, I look at the creep you sent me instead.
Amen.

In the days of the steamships, only white people sailed at sea.
One day, something went wrong and the ship was about to sink. No one knew what to do, so someone suggested that they do what the negroes do: Pray.
But no one knew what to say. So they called Tom, the black cook, and he came from the deck and agreed to pray for them. He started like this: Lord, on a day of hunger I went to a restaurant and get some food to eat and the sign said: FOR WHITE FOLKS ONLY.
Then, Lord, I went to a water fountain to get something to drink and the sign said: FOR WHITE FOLKS ONLY. Then Lord, I went to the bathroom and sign said: FOR WHITES FOLK ONLY. So Lord, Almighty, when this mother fucker sinks, let be: FOR
WHITE FOLKS ONLY! IN YOUR NAME I PRAY, AMEN!!!!!

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

Women's Christmas Wishes
Dear Father Christmas: w
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
He's not afraid to admit when he is wrong.
One who thinks before he speaks
When he promises to call, he doesn't wait six weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
Won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind.
Knows just what to say when I ask: "How fat is my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin'
He brings ME a sandwich too, when he goes to the kitchen!
I wish that this man will love me to no end,
And would never compare me with my best girlfriend.
Thank You in advance and now I'll just wait,
For I know You will send him before it's too late.

Men's Christmas Wishes
As I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a woman, who's very cheap.
One who's sexy, blonde and long.
Who notices that she's mostly wrong.
One who sucks And doesn't speak.
And promises to do so, Once a week.
I pray that she is very randy,
' cause one like that would come in handy.
Opens her leg and lies on the floor,
And once I'm done, she begs for more.
Oh! Send me a woman who will not play with my mind.
Who knows what she wants and that's lots from behind!
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin'
and brings ME a beer, when she comes from the kitchen!
I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
And would never complain when I do her best friend.
Thanks in advance and you know I can't wait,
So I'll screw all the rest' cause it's never too late.

When i was a kid i used to pray for a new bike. But then I realised that the lord doesn't work that way, so i stole one and asked him to forgive me!