Pray Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"
The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM...
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "I know, but Grandma is!"

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the
two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one
began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY
FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why
are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother
replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

Taking it all with you
Issy was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked very hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So Issy begins to pray.
An angel hears his plea and says to him, "I`m sorry, but you can`t take your wealth with you."
Issy implores the angel to speak to God to see if he might bend the rules. He said he would try. In the meantime, Issy continues to pray.
When the angel reappears, he informs Issy that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, Issy gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward he dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven.
The angel Gabriel, seeing the suitcase, says, "Hold on, you can`t bring that in here."
Issy explains that he has permission and suggests he verify his story with God.
Gabriel checks and says, "You`re right. You`re allowed one more...

Praying ParrotsA lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but They only say "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?'""That's terrible!", the priest exclaimed, "Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship." So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in and they say, "Hi, we are Prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?" One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says, "PUT THE BIBLES AWAY! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!"

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man,
who's not a creep.

One who's handsome,
smart and strong.
He's not afraid to admit
when he is wrong.

One who thinks
before he speaks.
When he promises to call,
he doesn't wait 6 weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed,
won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.
Pulls out my chair & opens my door,
massages my back & begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who will
make love to my mind.
Knows just what to say when I
ask "How fat is my behind?"

One who'll make love
till my body's a twitchin'
He brings ME a sandwich too,
when he goes to the kitchen!

I pray that this man
will love me to no end,
And would never compare me
with my best girlfriend.

Thank you in advance
and now I'll just wait,
for I know You will send
him before it's too more...

A lady goes to her priest one day and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They say, `Hi, we`re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?`"

"That`s obscene!" the priest exclaimed, and then, he thought for a moment.

"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we`ll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrible thing-in no time at all."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution to my
problem."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest`s house. As more...