Praying Jokes / Recent Jokes
One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.
As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church.
Please don't let me be late to church...."
As she was running she tripped and fell.
When she got back up she began praying again...
"Please, God don't let me be late to church -- but don't shove me either!
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One day a boy and hid father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.
The boy asked hid Dad,' 'What are these Pop?''
' 'They're smart pills son,'' said his father.
' 'Eat them and they'll make you smarter."
So he ate them and said,' 'Yuck... these taste like poop!''
' 'See,'' said his father,' 'you're already getting smarter!''
What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite?
A bug that says grace before eating your house.
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma." The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy." Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She more...
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth." The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks. The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."
One day there was a weight lifter, a priest, and an army general in a plane. It was going down so the pilot told them each to throw one thing out. So the army guy threw out a grenade, the priest threw out a bible, and the weight lifter threw out a weight. The plane was still falling so the three men jumped off. Tey landed safely and started walking down the street talking about what just happened. When they saw a man crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said he got hit in the head with a weight. The men felt sorry, but nonetheless kept walking. This time they saw a little girl praying in the middle of the street. They asked her why she was praying, and she said she got hit in the head with a bible, and that it was a sign from above. They kept on walking. this time they saw a little boy laughing hysterically. they asked him why, and he said he farted and his house blew up.
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. God, he prayed, I really want a car. Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty. God, he prayed again, I really NEED a car. Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet. Okay, God, he said, getting down onto his knees again, if you ever want to see your mother again...