Pregnant Jokes / Recent Jokes

What two things in the air will get a women pregnant? Her legs.

Q: A smart blond, Santa and a pregnant woman are on an elevator. A twenty-dollar bill lies on the ground. Who picks it up? A: The pregnant woman... the other two aren't real !'

"How does Jeeto like being pregnant?" Banta asked his friend Santa.
"Oh, she's not pregnant," Santa replied, "she's expecting."
"What's the difference?" Banta pressed.
"Well, Santa explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet..."

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, more...

A pregnant nun was in a supermarket when she bumped into another pregnant nun.
Hello sister Teresa said the first nun.
Ooo! Hello sister Mary said the second.
I havent seen you since Benedictas

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

"Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?"

"Yes, but I need a different suggestion."

"Go ahead ask me."

"You know last year you suggested Hawaii, and when I returned my wife was pregnant."

"Yes, but. .."

" And the year before you suggested Bermuda, and when I returned my wife was pregnant."

"Yes, but..."

"And the year before that, when I went to Bali, I returned and my wife was pregnant."

" Yes, but..."

"Well, could you suggest something cheaper this year so that I can bring her with me?"