President Jokes / Recent Jokes

When Stalin was in office, he once noted that there were mice in his study and complained to President Kalinin about this. The President thought for a moment and suggested, "Why don`t you put up a sign reading `Collective Farm`? Half the mice will die of hunger and the other half will run away."

Clinton's mail:

Dear Bill:

As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.

Jimmy Carter
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Dear Bill:

OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a fox!

Gary Hart
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My Dear Chap:

This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.

Hugh Grant
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Bill:

They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you!

Mayor Marion more...

One day a little boy went up to his dad and asked him what polotics were. He replied "
lets just say that I am the president, your mom is the congress, the maid is the senate, and your little brother is the future. Put them all together and that's politics."
The little boy still didn't understand, but he went to bed anyway.
That night he found that his little brother crapped in his diaper, so he went to get his parents. When he went into the room, he found that his dad was not there. He went to the couch and saw his dad screwing the maid. The next day, the little boy said to his dad that he understood politics;"
While the President is screwing the Senate, the Congress is unaware and the future is full of shit."
"
Very good,"
replied his father.

One night George Bush awakens from a fitfull sleep to find himself visited by the ghost of George Washington. Dubya begs of Washington's spirit, "Tell me: As president, what's the best thing I can do for my country?"
"That's easy," replies Washington's Ghost. "Set an honest and honorable example, just like I did." And with that he was gone.
On the next night George Bush awakens from a fitfill sleep to find himself visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. Duby begs of Jefferson's spirit, "Tell me: As president, what's the best thing I can do for my country?"
"That's easy," replies Jefferson's Ghost. "Cut taxes and streamline the federal government, just like I did." And with that he was gone.
On the third night George Bush awakens from a fitfull sleep to find himself visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Dubya begs of Lincoln's spirit, "Tell me: As president, what's the best thing I can do for my more...

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
Go to Africa.
Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
During each traverse pass,
Catch each animal seen.
Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
Stop when a match is detected.
EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
ASSEMBLY more...

ZIPPERGATE IN MOVIE TITLES PG 13
Subject: Executive Decision, True Lies, Beauty and the Beast,. ...

**Disclaimer: The following story, though based on a true story contains altered or questionable facts and statements. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent, if in fact there are any. **

This is The Never Ending Story of a 9 To 5, Working Girl, and The American President. The latter of whom offered the former an Indecent Proposal. It seems this Top Gun was Addicted To Love, to Youngblood. He had a Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, for this Pretty Woman, this Babe. He liked to Kiss The Girls, and liked Boys On The Side.... but that's Oliver's Story.

Casual Sex? No, she saw Career Opportunities, The Sure Thing. She had Great Expectations.

It was to be a Close Encounter Of The Third Kind, a Mission Impossible. We're talking Risky Business, Dangerous Ground. Till now she'd played The Saint, but this would be Unforgiven, more...

President Clinton's Testimony
by Dr. Seuss

I did not do it in a car
I did not do it in a bar

I did not do it in the dark
I did not do it in the park

I did not do it on a date
I did not ever fornicate

I did not do it at a dance
I did not do it in her pants

I did not get beyond first base
I did not do it in her face

I never did it in a bed
If you think that, you've been misled

I did not do it with a groan
I did not do it on the phone

I did not cause her dress to stain
I never boinked Saddam Hussein

I did not do it with a whip
I never fondled Linda Tripp

I never acted really silly
With volunteers like Kathleen Willey

There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher
I chased her' round, but could not catch her
No kinky stuff, not on your life
I wouldn't, even with my wife

And Gennifer Flowers' more...