Pretty Jokes / Recent Jokes
You're pretty... pretty ugly!
You finally figured out how to screw in that lightbulb, but the power went out.
You're smart... smart as a fencepost!
What do West Virginians call a pretty woman? A tourist.
1. M.U.D.D.- Must use Drugs Daily
2. A.D.I.D.A.S.-All day I Dream About Sex
3. P.M.S.- Pretty Mean Stuff
4. F.B.I. Federal Beauro of Idiots
5. C.I.A.-Clueless Idiots Agency
6. N.C.I.S.-Neurologically Challenged Imbocil Society
7. P.h.D. Pretty Happy Dyke
8. U.C.L.A. Unidentified Cunt Lickers Anonymous
9. A.R.A. Agency- Anti Redundancy Agency
10. N.R.A.- Never Redundant Agency
Chinese Torture A young man is wandering and lost in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door, he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I`m lost," said the young man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old, and entered the house. During dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn`t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man`s warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night, he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet, so the old man wouldn`t hear. more...
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
"Okay", she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, more...
Three girs went to God just before they went down to earth and told him how they wanted to be when the came down. The First girl said, "I want to be samrt." So God sent her down as a Red Head. The second girl said, "I want to be smart and pretty" so God sent her down as a burnett. The third girl said I want to be pretty and self absorbed. So he sent her down as a man.
One day three midgets decided they wanted to be in the record books the fist one says "I have pretty short arms", so he goes and succeeds. The second one says "I have pretty short legs," so he goes and succeeds. The third one says "I have a very small penis," and when he comes back he says "Who the hell is Leonardo DiCaprio?"