Price Jokes / Recent Jokes

Adam was strolling through the Garden of Eden, and he asked God, "God can you put someone else on this planet with me? It's kind of lonely here?" So God said, "I will put on earth a woman," "'What is this ‘woman'?" asked Adam. "A woman is somebody who will provide companionship and take care of all your needs," explained God. "Oh holy master, what is the price for this women"' asked Adam. "The price for her is your left arm, your right eye, a thumb, a foot and your left testicle," said God. Then Adam replied, "Ehh... what can I get for a rib?"

The Perfect Husband...

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs. 1, 000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,.. go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "Rs7, 00, 000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. .. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking
Rs. 11, 50, 000"

MAN: "Well, more...

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the more...

Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1, 500."
"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. .. and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60, 000!"
"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the more...

SAT score decayAs we all know SAT scores have been on the decline for years. The following may be the reason why. A math problem in the 60'sA logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four-fifths of this price. What is his profit? A math problem in the 70'sA logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of porduction is four-fifths of this price, or $80. What is his profit? A math problem in the 70's using New MathA logger exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100, and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set M. The set C of the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set M, and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set P of profits? A math problem in the 80'sA logger sells a truckload of wood for $100. His cost of production is $80, and his profit is $20. Your assignment: underline the number 20. A math problem in the 90's under Outcome Based more...

How to tell a Democrat from a Republican during the Holiday Season
by John Carlson And you thought you could tell Republicans from Democrats by how they vote. Not so! Just observe how they act during the holidays: Republican say "Merry Christmas!" Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army. Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes. Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning
When toasting the Holidays, Republicans ask for sherry or mulled wine. Democrats ask for egg nog.
When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog. Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television.
Democrats do more...

And you thought you could tell Republicans from Democrats by how they vote. Not so! Just observe how they act during the holidays:
Republican say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.

Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning
When toasting the Holidays, Republicans ask for sherry or mulled wine.
Democrats ask for egg nog.
When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television.
Democrats do a lot of their shopping at Cost-Co and more...