Price Jokes / Recent Jokes

A husband walks into Frederick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending.

Adam was strolling through the, and he asked God, "God can you put someone else on this planet with me? It's kind of lonely here?" So God said, "I will put on earth a woman, " "'What is this ‘woman’?" asked Adam. "A woman is somebody who will provide companionship and take care of all your needs," explained God. "Oh holy master, what is the price for this women"' asked Adam. "The price for her is your left arm and your right eye," said God. Then Adam replied, "Ehh... what can I get for a rib?"

A blonde was out shopping in Lousiana when she saw a beautiful pair of shoes made from genuine alligator skin. She goes into the store and asks the price. The shopkeeper says, "$1000"
The blonde not having that kind of money tried to haggle with the store's owner, until the owner finally got fed up and threw her out of his store.
The blonde furious yells at the store owner, "FINE! KEEP YOUR DAMN SHOES! I'LL GO HUNT MY OWN ALLIGATOR AND THEN GET MY OWN SHOES FOR A FAIR PRICE!!!"
Driving home the store owner sees the blonde in a local swamp, up to her waist in the muddy waters holding a double-barrel shotgun. Just then he sees the blonde take aim at a nearby alligator taking a nap and shoots it straight in the gut. With great effort he watches her drag the alligator to the shore, where to his suprise, a half dozen more alligators all lay dead. He then sees the blonde flip the alligator over onto his back. Then watching, he sees the blondes face turn a more...

One day, a man walks into a dentists office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. "Eighty dollars", says the dentist.
"That's a ridiculous amount!", the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well...", the dentist says, "if you don't use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60." Looking annoyed the man says, "That's still too expensive!"
"Okay", says the dentist. "If I save on anaesthetics and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20".
"Nope, moans the man, "it's still too much!". "Well", says the dentist, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10."
"Marvellous!", says the man, "Book my wife for next Tuesday."

WINDERS 98
MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
Other features:
Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = more...

A bored housewife in suburbia is entertaining her lover in bed one day as, unknown to them, her nine-year-old son is taking it all in from her bedroom closet. As luck would have it, the husband arrives home unexpectedly from the office and the surprised wife shoves her lover into the closet.
Son says to lover, "Sure is dark in here, isn't it?"
After jumping out of his skin and crawling back in, the lover replied that it was.
"Would you like to buy a flashlight?" asks the boy. The lover said he didn't think so.
"Sure would be bad if dad found out about this," observed the boy. The lover enquired as to how much the boy wanted for the flashlight and agreed to pay the $25.00 price.
Two weeks later, same housewife, same lover, same boy in the closet when husband again arrives home unexpectedly. Wife shoves lover into closet and son says, "Sure is dark in here, isn't it? Would you like to buy a fishing rod?"
The lover agrees to more...

A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price.
She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize."
As if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks."
In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"