Priest Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a priest and a nun went golfing.
The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy put. He shouted, "Damn, missed again."
The nun, shocked, warned him "God will get you for that."
The next hole the same thing occurred. After the priest screamed "Damn It! Missed again" the nun repeated her warning "God will get you for that!"
On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun could repeat her warning, A bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck the nun dead.
A deep voice from the clouds boomed out "Damn It! Missed again!".

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their " Freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, its my face they would recognize."

The newly ordained young priest asked his monsignor a favor: Would the older and more experienced man audition the young man's handling of confessions, and give him a candid critique? The monsignor agreed, and at the end of the day called the priest to give his verdict.
"Quite good, on the whole," he said. "But I do have a suggestion. I'd have preferred to hear a few more' Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!' and fewer' Oh, wows!'"

Fed up of people making fun of him, Santa decided to change his religion. He joined a priest in a church as his assistant. One day the priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called Santa D'costa (his new assistant) and asked him to cover for him. Santa told him he would't know what to say, but the priest told him to stay with him for a little while and learn what to do.
Santa joined the priest and then followed him into the confessional. A few minutes later a woman came in and said,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'
Priest:' What did you do?'
Woman:' I committed adultery.'
Priest:' How many times?'
Woman:' Three times.'
Priest:' Say two Hail Marys, put $5. 00 in the charity box, and sin no more.'
A few minutes later a man entered the confessional. He said,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'
Priest:' What did you do?'
Man:' I committed adultery.'
Priest:' How many more...

A bum got on a subway car. He smelled of cheap women and cheap wine. He was
dirty and had a porno magazine in his pocket. When he got in he sat down next
to a priest and started reading the newspaper. After a few minutes, he asked
the priest how a person got arthritis. The priest replied that you got
arthritis by drinking too much, being with cheap women, not washing and
reading smut. The bum said oh, okay. After a few minutes, the priest started
to feel guilty and turned to the bum and apologized for snapping at him and
asked him why he wanted to know. The bum said that he read that the Pope had
arthritis.

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?" "It's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man," the priest replied. "Imagine that", the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have arthritis, Father," the drunk said, "but I just read in the paper that the Pope does."

Son Of A Bitch Fish A irish priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide holding a net, yelled "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" Son, I`m a irish priest. Your language is uncalled for! No, irish father, that`s what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish! Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch! Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. irish father, that is the biggest Son of a Bitch I`ve ever seen. Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it? Why eat it of course. You`ve never tasted anything as good as that Son of a Bitch! Elated, the irish priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear, and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "irish father!" It`s ok Sister. That`s what kind of fish it is. A Son of a more...