Princess Jokes / Recent Jokes

A warrant officer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, Ill turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The warrant officer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, Ill stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the warrant officer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? Ive told you Im a beautiful princess, that Ill stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why wont you kiss me?" The warrant officer said, "Look Im an warrant officer. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thats cool."

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes".
Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's
When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."
A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good,"says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth filled with food if you called."
A Jewish boy comes home from more...

You know how Princess Diana and Mother Theresa died around about the same time? Well they both went up to heaven. St. Peter met them at the entrance to the pearly gates. He said "You both must show me something to prove your worth, going into heaven." Mother Theresa went first. She walked up to St. Peter and lifted her habit and flashed her breasts at him. He said "okay. Princess Di?" Princess Di smiled and walked over into the corner, did a squat and pissed. St. Peter gave it careful consideration. Finally he decided. "Princess Di. You're in. Sorry Mother Theresa, but a Royal Flush, beats two of a kind!!!!!"

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so. ”
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, “I don’t think so. ”

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic - anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But more...

Joke #1
Q - Did you hear that Princess Diana was on the radio,.... and the dashboard,... and the steering wheel,....
Joke #2
Q - What did Princess Diana say to Dodi Faijed when he presented her with a multi-thousand dollar ring in the Mercades?
A - "Dodi,... I think that we're moving too fast,..."
Joke #3
Q - How is Princess Diana different from Tiger Woods?
A - Tiger Woods knows how to pick a driver.

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an
obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put
everyone in a good mood as he served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing
down the aisle and announced to the passengers,
"Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll
be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely
people, if you could just put your trays up, that
would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a
well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't
moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over
those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your
trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country,
I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without
missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my more...