Printer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Kanjibhai was preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers. Kanjibhai was not very good at English so he asked the printer to help him.

After the printer had presented Kanjibhai with a draft, Kanjibhai quickly pointed out that the " RSVP " was missing.
The printer was surprised by Kanjibhai's knowledge and asked him if Kanjibhai knew what it meant.

Kanjibhai started to think and after much thought he replied:
" "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"

When I went to college in the 1980's, I heard a lot of words like "data input" and "beta version." They confused me. I wanted desperately to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the computer industry.
Now that I've worked in a computer company for the last few years, I've gained an insider's perspective. I decided to share my knowledge with the uninitiated by creating the following brief, handy glossary:
Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
Computer. Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On more...

I asked Dan Judd, a graduate student who works for me, to look into creating
an electronic suggestion box for the dean of the college. This is what he
came back with.
Options for creating an anonymous suggestion box for the Dean.
1) Slip note under Dean's door.
Pro - Simple.
Would cost less to implement than generating this report.
Con - Only small notes fit.
Not too anonymous in the middle of the day.
2) Put note in box outside Dean's office.
Pro - Simple.
Anonymity reasonable during the day.
Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
Con - Requires ability to find the Dean's office.
Suggestions weighing more a few pounds unworkable.
Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
Will probably get more gum wrappers that suggestions.
3) Mail to an address that strips off headers and forwards to Dean.
Pro - Easy to do from anywhere in the building.
Big messages not a problem.
Electronic more...

Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!" Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)***I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the more...

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
Send urgent email all in more...