Printer Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is an actual account by a worker at a technical support and service center. One particular customer had an old console-type machine with a print head that would ride back and forth on a spiral shaft. They also had a big bushy cat who liked to sit on the edge of the printer next to the operator.Well, one day we got a service call that said, "Cat caught in machine, come quick!"When I arrived I saw everyone sitting around mending their various wounds, scratches and contusions. No sight of the cat. It appears that while they were running the machine the cat was twirling his tail in his usual fashion and stuck it down into the printer at the most inopportune time and got sucked in! Apparently, the cat absolutely freaked out and clawed at everyone who came close. They finally freed the cat, and to this day, the cat goes nowhere near the machine.

Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything.
After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.
A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it “couldn’t find printer. ” The user has also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that his computer still couldn’t “see” the printer.
True story from a Novell Net Wire Sysop:
Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support? more...

1.) THE PRINTER SHREDDER: This simple device can be added on to any printer, and will shred any document the comes out of it.

2.) FAKE MOUSE:a fake mouse runs in a wheel that is connected to your computer. as the mouse spins slower/faster, your screen will become darker/lighter "yeah. I just installed it. It really saves on power costs."

3.) AUTO BAD SPELLER: This program can take any document, randomly choose correctly spelled world and then spell them incorrectly.

4.) TALKING COMPUTER: This simple program, when put on someone's computer, whispers "psst! Hey Bob!" at random intervals.

5.) SMOKER: This simple add on makes a monitor smoke. The amount of smoke will increase with the length of time the computer is used.

6.) RANDOM ERROR: When installed, this will generate insensible error messages extremely often, no matter what they are doing at the time.

7.) TRACER: This program will generate messages more...

Kanjibhai was preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.
Kanjibhai was not very good at English so he asked the printer to help him.
After the printer had presented Kanjibhai with a draft, Kanjibhai quickly pointed out that the " RSVP " was missing.
The printer was surprised by Kanjibhai's knowledge and asked him if Kanjibhai knew what it meant.
Kanjibhai started to think and after much thought he replied:
"Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"

Tech Support
Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article:
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with more...

1. THE PRINTER SHREDDER: This simple device can be added on to any printer, and will shred any document the comes out of it.

2. FAKE MOUSE: a fake mouse runs in a wheel that is connected to your computer. as the mouse spins slower/faster, your screen will become darker/lighter "yeah. I just installed it. It really saves on power costs."

3. AUTO BAD SPELLER: This program can take any document, randomly choose correctly spelled world and then spell them incorrectly.

4. TALKING COMPUTER: This simple program, when put on someone's computer, whispers "psst! Hey Bob!" at random intervals.

5. SMOKER: This simple add on makes a monitor smoke. The amount of smoke will increase with the length of time the computer is used.

6. RANDOM ERROR: When installed, this will generate insensible error messages extremely often, no matter what they are doing at the time.

7. TRACER: This program will generate messages such more...

Tech Support Trials and Tribulations
Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!" Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)
***
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.
Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink more...