Problem Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Japanese soap manufacturing company received a complaint that a consumer
had bought a box of soap that was empty. Management tasked its engineers
to solve the problem permanently to avoid any reoccurrence.
The engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution
monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed
through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked
hard and they worked fast.
But a rank-and-file employee that was posed the same problem came out with
another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed
it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox
passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Subject: more microsoft c humor
Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
Project: Version - Windows 95
Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE): #include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* For the court of law */
#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one more...

DEAR WIFE

I'm writing this letter to you to tell you that I'm leaving you.

I've been a good man to you for seven years, yet I have nothing to show for it.

Life with you is unbearable. I called you at work just to see if you wanted to have lunch ( you know, maybe try to reconnect) and your boss told me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new aircut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand-new pair of silk boxers to bed.

You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching TV. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want to be intimate or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.

Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your Ex-husband

P. S.: Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving to West Virginia, if that's a problem, TOUGH!

DEAR more...

I asked Dan Judd, a graduate student who works for me, to look into creating
an electronic suggestion box for the dean of the college. This is what he
came back with.
Options for creating an anonymous suggestion box for the Dean.
1) Slip note under Dean's door.
Pro - Simple.
Would cost less to implement than generating this report.
Con - Only small notes fit.
Not too anonymous in the middle of the day.
2) Put note in box outside Dean's office.
Pro - Simple.
Anonymity reasonable during the day.
Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
Con - Requires ability to find the Dean's office.
Suggestions weighing more a few pounds unworkable.
Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
Will probably get more gum wrappers that suggestions.
3) Mail to an address that strips off headers and forwards to Dean.
Pro - Easy to do from anywhere in the building.
Big messages not a problem.
Electronic more...

This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused. "Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers.. you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor. "Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on American beer!"

An army Major visiting the sick army men, went to one soldier and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.
He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.
He moved to the next bed where Santa was lying and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's more...

I sometimes feel so bad about things that I wonder if I am sane. I see so many people acting so stupidly in the world, that what they do makes no sense. Maybe I'm the only sane person and everyone else is crazy! It seems like the world has gotten both stupider and nastier over the years, or at least the U.S. has.
It is the asinine stupidity - and plain arrogance - of people that makes me sick. The District of Columbia is damn near so bankrupt it would be "30c short of a quarter." The Financial Control Board gave a timid order to Mayor-for-life Marion "Snort, Snort" Barry to cut 6,000 city employees.
Washington is so obscenely overstaffed that the number of people that should be cut from its payroll is more like 60,000! This isn't cutting the payroll, this is giving it a manicure! People are practically calling this near-nothing cutback a "meat axe" approach!
All the while the city goes deeper into red ink. I'm thinking, when the city does go more...