Procedure Jokes / Recent Jokes
After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Arky said to the doctor "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me." So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to more...
After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that was enough.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Arky said to the doctor "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me."
So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held more...
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift." Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office." Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made." "What's wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers." Lady," the doctor reports, more...
Please note that the bank is installing new
"Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able
to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To
enable customers to use this new facility the following
procedures have been drawn up. Please read the
procedure that applies to your own circumstances
(i. e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them when you use the
machine for the first time.
MALE PROCEDURE
* 1 Drive up to the cash machine.
* 2 Put down your car window.
* 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
* 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
* 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
* 6 Put window up
* 7 Drive off
FEMALE PROCEDURE
* 1 Drive up to cash machine
* 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car
window to machine
* 3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down
* 4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to
passenger
seat to locate more...
In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces, "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask: " Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at more...
Solitaire `99
Here is the README. TXT file from Microsoft`s latest software product.
Microsoft Solitaire `98
README file, v4. 3
Welcome!
Congratulations!
Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire `98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as "long filenames!"
For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.*
Solitaire `98 brings this dream to a blissful reality.
System Requirements:
- 266 MHz Pentium II more...
If you have a procedure with ten parameters, you probably missed some.