Promise Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's this couple and they've been dating for quite some time. He wants her really bad, but she won't sleep with him because she's saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and doing their thing, he's very hot and bothered, and he said, "Oh come on, just a feel."She said, "No, I'm saving myself for marriage."They went back and forth. He said, "Just one feel, I promise, that's all, just one feel."She finally agreed, "Okay, just one feel, but that's all, just one, I'm saving myself for marriage."So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks, "Can't we please?"She of course states, "NO, I'm saving myself for marriage."He says, "Please, please?" and she says, "No, absolutely not, I'm saving myself for marriage."He says, "How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?"She says, "No way, I'm saving myself for more...

TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?
JACK: 7 years old
TEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?
JACK: 9 years old
TEACHER: That's impossible!
JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today.
TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.
MIKE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Mike !!!
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?
STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.
COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: No.
COOL STUDENT: Good 'cos I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.
ALFRED: Me !!!
TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake.
STUDENT: You more...

TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday? JACK: 7 years oldTEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday? JACK: 9 years oldTEACHER: That's impossible! JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today.TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.MIKE: Here it is ! TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Mike !!! TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave? STUDENT: Yes sir.TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave? STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: No.COOL STUDENT: Good 'cos I didn't do my homework.TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.ALFRED: Me !!! TEACHER: Are you chewing gum? BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson.TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake.STUDENT: You can't fool me teacher! Snakes don't have feet !!! HYGIENE TEACHER: How do you prevent deseases more...

If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these:

"You could do worse." "I'll work so hard you won't even know I'm there." "I'll need all my paid vacation time up front so I'll be rested when I start." "You can't turn me down because I smell bad. You have to have a reason." "If you call the people I listed as references, please call my parole officer last." "That big thing growing on my face isn't my fault." "I don't do drugs at work any more. And I probably won't" "I can go all day without peeing once." "If you hired my dumbass brother then you can surely hire me." "If you hire me I promise not to say anything about the your wicked bad breath." "I won't sue you when you fire me." "My arrest record is all a bunch of lies." "Iff you kin reed my handriting, ain't that gud enuff fer me to get the job? "I was a sniper in the more...

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the followingconversation took place: First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come outgolfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will buildher a new deck for the pool." Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that Iwill remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy hasnot said a word. So they ask him, " You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?" Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5: 30a. m., When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say,' Golf Course or Intercourse?' So she says, "Wear your sweater."

TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday? JACK: 7 years oldTEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday? JACK: 9 years oldTEACHER: That's impossible! JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today. TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is. MIKE: Here it is! TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Mike! !! TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave? STUDENT: Yes sir. TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave? STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours. COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: No. COOL STUDENT: Good' cos I didn't do my homework. TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago. ALFRED: Me! !! TEACHER: Are you chewing gum? BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson. TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake. STUDENT: You can't fool me teacher! Snakes don't have feet! !! HYGIENE TEACHER: How do you prevent more...

A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelope containing $25, 000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.

A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10, 000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergymans sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He more...