Psychic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Janecrilza was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts, she never had a boyfriend. So she went to a psychic for help. Honey! - said the psychic. You will not have luck in love in this life. But in the reincarnation, you will be a much desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.
Janecrilza left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought: "the sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins"
She decided to jump off the bridge right away.
But, incredibly Janecrilza didn't die!
She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas; she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face:
GENTLEMEN, PLEASE! ONE AT A TIME

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled, "Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," says the psychic, "I see... a biology class."

Think of all the psychic energy expended in seeking a fundamental distinction between "algorithm" and "program".

My mother was a fanatic about public toilets. As a little girl, she'd bring me in the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, never sit on a public toilet seat." And she'd demonstrate"The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. But by this time, I'd have peed down my leg. And we'd go home. That was a long time ago. I've had lots of experience with public toilets since then, but I'm still not particularly fond of public toilets, especially those with powerful, red-eye sensors. Those toilets know when you want them to flush. They are psychic toilets. But I always confuse their psychic ability by following my mother's advice and assuming The Stance. The Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when one's bladder is especially full. more...

A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."