Public Jokes / Recent Jokes
Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando.
“When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. ”
“If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you. ”
It's illegal to hunt from the back of an animal.Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds. You may not fish on a camel's back. Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime. Boise: Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back. Coeur d' Alene: If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car. Idaho Falls, Idaho: If you're 88 years of age or older, it's illegal for you to ride your motorcycle.Pocatello: A law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view" Pocatello: A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.
You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2. A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American".Chicago: Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire Chicago: It is illegal to give a dog whiskey; Chicago: Kites may not be flown within the city limits; Chicago: Spitting is forbidden In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in pajamas. In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or "otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object" are banned from going out in public.
In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for more...
In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b) A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17. It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks. Liquor stores may not sell milk. Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor. You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her. One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate. Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session. Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes. Pedestrians more...
Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11: 38 p. m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the jail. Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer more...
(Be read when using the Willy voice in your head)SUBJ: Clinton's Address to the NationText from Clinton's Address to the Nation if he were on truth serum. 10. 16 P. m. ET (0216 GMT) August 17, 1998Good evening. This afternoon in this room, from this chair, in this very spot, I was forced to testify before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury. I answered their questions truthfully whenever there was compelling physical evidence that would contradict my lies, including questions about having sex while watching an intern do kinky things that I now spin as being part of my private life, questions so embarrassing that no American citizen would ever want to answer. Still, the polls indicate that I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight and not ducking questions while the Marine Band plays loudly and drowns out the media. As you know, in a deposition in January, I was asked questions about my more...
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault", while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault".You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.It is illegal to gargle in public places. It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.