Punishment Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.The "Environmental Engineering News" published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries.In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, "He's drunk and in jail."In Malaysia the driver is jailed and, if married, the spouse is jailed.In the United Kingdom, Finland and Sweden there's an automatic jail term of one year.In Turkey, drunk drivers are driven twenty miles out of town and forced to walk back ten miles.In Bulgaria, a second drunk-driving conviction results in capital punishment.In El Salvador, your first offense is your last - execution by firing squad.From the August Road & Track.

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The "Environmental Engineering News" published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, "He's drunk and in jail."In Malaysia the driver is jailed and, if married, the spouse is jailed. In the United Kingdom, Finland and Sweden there's an automatic jail term of one year. In Turkey, drunk drivers are driven twenty miles out of town and forced to walk back ten miles. In Bulgaria, a second drunk-driving conviction results in capital punishment. In El Salvador, your first offense is your last -- execution by firing squad. From the August Road & Track.

A high school teacher had become very annoyed. Very few of his students paid attention to him during class. This wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that they were always brought in their iPods and cd players and pretended like they weren't in school. The teacher was fed up with scolding his students, assigning detentions, and confiscating the music devices. One day, he came up with, what he thought to be, a wonderful solution.
In the morning after all of the students filed in and sat down, and after the teacher walked around plucking headphones off of them, he called their attention.
"Class," he said with a pretentious smirk on his face, "I've noticed that you all love music so much. I'm sure that I would enjoy hearing that which holds your attention all day, it must be fantastic. So from now on, when I catch someone listening to a music device, as a punishment, he or she will have to stand in front of the class and sing whatever they're listening to. And more...

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

Q: What's the dumbest thing you can do with e-mail?
A: Ask Christopher James Reincke about his message to President Clinton:
"I am curious, Bill, how you would feel about being the first president to be killed on the same day as his wife... You will die soon..."
He signed it "Overlord." Sure he sent it anonymously, but anonymous e-mail is for protecting yourself from nasty, late-night phone calls, not the Secret Service.
With help from the university, they tracked him down and arrested him. He was released without bail, pending a hearing, and faces five years in jail and up to a $250,000 fine. Don't try this at home.
(Interned World, July/August, 1994: 17)
Which of the following are true about Christopher James Reincke:
Believes that Rush Limbaugh gives a balanced report of news
Tells ugly Chelsea jokes
Member of Young Americans for Freedom and College Republicans
Believes that American has lost its moral moorings, like more...

Punishment
Rabbi Bloom caught two of his rabbinical students gambling and drinking on Sabbath. Next day, Rabbi Bloom called them into his office and asked them what was going on. They immediately confessed to having given in to weakness and agreed that they deserved some form of punishment for their sin.
Rabbi Bloom thought a lot about this and then came up with the answer. He bought two bags of dried peas from the delicatessen and told them, "Put these in your shoes and walk on them for a week to remind yourselves how hard life can be when you turn away from God."
A few days later, the two students met each other in the street. One had a pronounced limp and had dark circles under his eyes. He looked very tired and weary. On the other hand, the other was the same as he had been before.
"Hey," said the first. "How is it that you are walking so easily? Why didn`t you do as the Rabbi asked and put the peas in your shoes?"
"I more...

When Gamini Thisanayakka was killed in the bomb blast and he was
brought to the god's court and the god decided to send him to hell.
So he was brought to hell, there hell guard told to Gamini "you can
pickup any punishment here". so, Gamini asked the guard "I want
to see every punishment first", Guard accepted that and he brought
him to every section. In one place some one was beating Lalith,
in other section Ranjan Wijeratne was screaming from boiling oil
pot, and Koppegaduwa was being kicked by his colleagues. .
finally they entered one room, there Premadasa and Madona
were engaging in foreplay on a waterbed. Gamini saw this and
he was excited; and he shouted to the guard "I want this punishment,,
I want this, this is I want"
Guard smiled and said "This punishment isn't for Premadasa,
its for Madona".