Punishment Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
A: Two mothers-in-law.

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman.

"What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer spends it with that gorgeous woman."

Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman.

"What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman`s punishment?"

A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

"That''s unfair! " he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

"Shut up!" barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. "Who are you to question that woman''s punishment?"

When called to serve for jury duty, Mrs. Howard asked to be excused since she did not believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. However, the public defender appreciated her thoughtfulness and attempted to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained. "This is not a murder trial. It is a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $15,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"All right then, I'll serve," Mrs. Howard replied. "I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12, 000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

President JR and PM Premadasa died on the same day and they were sent to APAAYA (Hell) for punishment for the sins they have commited during their ruling the country. On the way to APAAYA Premadasa said to JR "Sir, shall we take some gifts to YAMA RAJJURUWO (The king of the hell). JR replied "Through out your life you were taking bribes from poor people and now you are thinking of bribing YAMA RAJJURUWO too. I do not like your idea"
Then Premadasa said to JR "Sir, you do not know the brutality of the punishments in the hell. If we take something YAMA RAJJUROWO will give us some simple punishments." Ultimately JR agreed to take some gift to YAMARAJJURUWO.
While they were walking through the path to the hell they saw a vegetable/fruit market and Premadasa said "Sir, shall we take some DURIAN (A local fruit)" Then JR said are you mad? why should we spend too much for this? If you really need let us take 2 lemons" Premadasa ultimately more...