Quayle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Great Thinkers of Our Time?
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live
forever."
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that
but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered
other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York more...

Great Thinkers of Our Time? Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would liveforever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not liveforever."- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over theworld, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like thatbut not with all those flies and death and stuff."- Mariah Carey"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the samereactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discoveredother similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his more...

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car
together in the Midwest, when suddenly a tornado comes along and
whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away.
When they come down and pull themselves from the vehicle, they realize
they're in the land of OZ. Naturally, they decide to go to see the
Wizard of OZ.
Says Quayle, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Says Gingrich,
"I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton says, "Where's
Dorothy?"

AT&T Virus
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T
virus.
Paul Revere Virus
This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending
hard disk attack - once if by LAN, twice if by C:.
Politically-Correct Virus
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic
microorganism."
Right To Life Virus
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you
attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about
possible alternatives.
Ross Perot Virus
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing
quits.
Mario Cuomo Virus
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
Ted Turner Virus
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
Terminates your more...

BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk, then reattaches it. Unfortunately, the area is permanently disabled. OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80 MB,and then slowly expands back to 200 MB. AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus. PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack --- once if by LAN, twice if by C:>. POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about possible alternatives. ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits. MARIO CUOMO more...

This thing I've seen from a guy from MIT. Enjoy!
PAUL REVERE VIRUS:
This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack-once if by LAN, twice if by C:.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS:
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS:
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS:
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
THE MCI VIRUS:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're more...

Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the HouseGingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in acar together in Kansas. A tornado comes along andwhirls them up into the air and tosses them thousandsof yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from thevehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. TheWizard is known for granting people their wishes. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich responds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton speaks up, "Where's Dorothy?"