Queen Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was talking to this girl the other day and she said "I have a queen size bed. When I let a man in my bed he must treat me like a queen." So I said "Well, I have a twin size bed so why don’t you grab your sister and come on over?"

One day king and queen decided to send messages to each other by using Pigeon instead of mobile. The very next day pigeon reached king without any message. He was angry and called queen. She said stupid "This was a missed call"

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened read, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran more...

What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton? You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony, beaming at the thousands of people in the courtyard below. The Queen said to the Pope out of the side of her mouth,' I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand.' The Pope replied,' No way! You can't do that.' The Queen said,' Watch this!' So, the Queen waved her hand and every English person in the crowd went crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering like mad. The Pope was standing there thinking,' Oh no, what am I going to do? I never thought she'd be able to do it.' He thought to himself for a minute, and then turned to her and said,' I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild. Not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head.' The Queen replied,' No way, it can't be done.' So, the Pope head-butted her.

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
Zasks how she knows if they`re intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It`s me, ma`am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes ma`am. Thanks a lot. I`ll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he`d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse more...

The Queen was showing the Archbishop around the Royal Stables when a stallion passed gas very loudly.

"Oh dear," said the Queen, "I'm sorry about that."

"That's okay" said the Archbishop, "I thought it was the horse."