Queen Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"
The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with
semen. If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and he would die instantly."
"Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex.
"Oh my God," said the Queen, "what's happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

Bill and sardarji walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Sardarji goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "hello sardarji! How are you? Hey everybody! Sardarji's here!" everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to sardarji. After everyone has greeted him, bill and sardarji sit down and begin to eat.

"sardarji, you're pretty popular!" says bill. "i'm the most popular man in the world," says sardarji.


"now sardarji," says bill, your pretty popular but you're not the most popular man in the world."


"oh yeah," sardarji replies "i'll bet you a thousand dollars that i'm friends with anybody you can name!"


"that so?" answers bill, "how about the president of the united states?"


"let's go!" says sardarji.


The two fly to more...

The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating."Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill withsemen. If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and he would die instantly.""Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen.On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex."Oh my God," said the Queen, "what's happening in there?"The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration of the Anglo-Irish accords - the crowd is huge - thousands. Her Majesty and His Holiness can't help but have a little rivalry - both being heads of churches and all.
The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd.
Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do.

So the Pope says to the Queen,"Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of MY hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy?

Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep more...

Queen Elizabeth, Bush & Musharraf died & went straight to hell. Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there. She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????

The devil says "Five million dollars". .

She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair. Bush was soo jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too" He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????

The devil says "Ten million dollars" With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair. Musharraf was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Pakistan too, I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody of my Parliment"..... He called
Pakistan and more...

2 of the queens corgies were having a chat in the garden.
one said to the other "it's a shame the queen mum is dead"
the other replied " i'm glad shes gone"
"why is that then"
"coz we wont get the blame for pissing on the couch anymore".

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio.

They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling!

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate Of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was A actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds Like he was sort of busy too. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and more...