Queen Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sardarji is at a feast arranged by the queen of england. One of the dignitaries present requests the queen, "pass the wine you devine! ".
Sardarji thinks to himself - "how poetic! ".
Sardar also wants to say a rhyming sentence. He tells the british ambassador sitting next to him, "pass the custard you bastard".

Queen Elizabeth, Bush and Chandrika all died and went to hell.
Queen Elizabeth said: "I miss England, I would be pleased to phone England and see how everybody is doing there"
So she called and talked for about 5 minutes.
Then she asked:
"Well devil, how much do I owe you?"
The devil: "A million pounds".
"A million pounds!!!????" & she made him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.
Bush was so jealous, he starts screaming, "Me too, I wanna Phone the USA, I wanna see how everybody is doing too. So He called and talked for about 2 minutes,
Then he asked:
"Well, devil how much do I owe you?"
The devil: "Two million dollars".
"Two million dollars!!!!!!???" & he Made him a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.
Chandrika was extremely jealous too. She starts screaming and screaming "I also want to phone Srilanka! I want to see how everybody is more...

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat.

"Ned, you're pretty popular!" says Bill. "I'm the most popular man in the world," says Ned.

"Now Ned," says Bill, your pretty popular but you're not the most popular man in the world."

"Oh yeah," Ned replies "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I'm friends with anybody you can name!"

"That so?" answers Bill, "How about the President of the United States?"

"Let's go!" says Ned.

The two fly to Washington and knock on the front door of the White House. The president answers, more...

The college dean phoned a student's father at home and told him that he had some good and some bad news about his son.

"Tell me the bad news first," said the father.

"Your son's a hopeless homosexual," replied the dean.

"How awful," said the dismayed father. "But what's the good news?"

The dean confided, "He has just been elected Queen of the May."

The Queen of England was paying a visit to one of Canada's top hospitals. During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Gracious," exlaimed the Queen, "that's disgusting. What is the meaning of this?"
The doctor leading the tour explained, "I apologize, Your Majesty. This man has a very serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that three times a day, they will explode and he will die."
"Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a nurse was performing oral sex on a patient.
"Oh my goodness!" the shocked Queen said. "What is going on in there?"
"Same problem, better health plan," replied the doctor.

The following is a "history" collected by teachers throughout theUnited States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. Theylived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate ofthe Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, socertain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. TheEgyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the firstbook of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from anapple tree. On of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother'sson?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarchwho brought up his twelve sons more...

The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn't be ignored.
"Oh dear," said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that."
"It's quite understandable," said the Archbishop, and after a moment added, "As a matter of fact I thought it was the horse."