Queen Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this."
"The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign."
"The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse more...

While visiting England recently, George W. Bush was invited to have tea with the Queen.

Given his recent political problems, he decides to take advantage of her years of leadership experience and asks her for her advice. She responds that she surrounds herself with the most intelligent people she can find and lets them do their jobs.

Intrigued with this novel theory, Bush asks her how she is able to tell if the people are intelligent.

"I do so by asking them a test question" responds the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

The Queen then dials 10 Downing Street and asks to speak to Tony Blair. "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer a hypothetical question for me."

"I'll do my best, Your Majesty" responds Blair.

"Your mother has a child and your father has a child" says the Queen. "The child is not your brother or your sister. Who is the child?"

Tony Blair more...

George W. Bush was invited to visit the Queen of England. The Queen gets her finest horses and buggy. When Bush gets off the plane, and onto the buggy, Bush and the Queen ingage in a conversation. In the middle of their conversation, one of the horse let out a really big, really smelly fart. The Queen quickly apoligizes and says "I'm sorry, theirs somethings not even a Queen can control." Bush replies "Ma'am, if you wouldn't have said anything, I would have thought it was the horse."

How does a queen bee get around her hive? Shes throne!

To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth
II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, Commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing more...

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased.

He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Queen Size".

He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Grandma, you wear the same size as our bed!"

I heard this from a Welsh friend of mine,
Peter Gardiner, who lives in London.
It is the wedding day of Prince Charles and
Lady Di. Charles had been up late the night
before boozing with his old Navy buddies,
woke up late, threw on his clothes and rushed
to the Royal Coach and set off. In the coach,
he noticed that he had forgotten his shoes, so
he borrowed the ones his valet was wearing,
but they were 2 sizes too small.
Charles made it through the ceremony, then
through the reception with his feet in agony the
whole time, and finally with great
relief, went upstairs with his new bride.
Their departure was noticed by the Queen and
Queen Mother who followed them up and
listened at the the door. First they heard,
"Ohhh, ohhh, that feels so goood, it was sooo
tight."
"I told you she was," said the Queen to the
Queen Mother.
Then they heard,
"Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh, ahhhh, that feels more...